There’s #roseday … and then there’s Singleness Awareness Day. (Yeah, that’s a thing.) If you’re single, all this Valentine’s Day hype can just be an annoying yearly reminder that you’re alone. Or at least that’s what you can’t stop thinking.
Our generation has been called the loneliest generation. But at the same time, we’ve also been called the most connected generation in history. Whether it’s Hinge, Bumble, or just sliding into someone’s DMs, we know how to connect with people through a screen. It doesn’t solve our problems—yet we keep trying anyway.
If you’re over being single, you’re definitely not alone.
A lot of times we assume a new relationship will fix our loneliness. But the hard reality is that not even marriage will address our loneliness. I know that can be hard to believe, but trust us. Loneliness is a heart issue only God can fix. (Thank goodness he can, right?) So if you’re single, you don’t have to feel lonely!
You can be married and feel lonely.
You can be single and feel lonely.
You can be single and not feel lonely.
You can be married and not feel lonely.
Despite what you may think, loneliness and your relationship status aren’t related. God doesn’t want you to buy the lie that marriage is the answer to the pain you’re feeling in your heart. And if you jump into a relationship believing that lie, you’ll be tempted to compromise.
If you’ve been tempted to think that a relationship is your quick fix, ask yourself what you’ve been thinking about lately. You might find yourself saying something like, "Man, I so badly don’t want to be single that I don't care if he has a bad reputation, or gets drunk with his friends, or crosses some boundaries, or isn’t serving and plugged into a church community. I’m lonely, so I'm moving forward with this.” If you follow that train of thought, you’ll likely find yourself in a struggling marriage and lonelier than ever before—and nobody wants that.
A new relationship can’t fix your loneliness, but it could actually add to it.
Here’s why. Only Jesus can address the loneliness in your heart—a new boyfriend or girlfriend can’t. The best thing to do right now is to begin to look at your heart—the areas of your life where you're saying, "I feel like I'm looking for a solution in a man. I'm looking for a solution in a wife. I'm looking for a solution outside of Christ to fill some void, this loneliness I’m facing. I think a person could fix it." It’s easy to find yourself in that place, but thank goodness we can remind each other of truth!
Here are three verses to remind yourself of truth when you’re feeling alone:
“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”
“The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalms 34:17-18
“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”
Write these down or make them the screensaver on your phone. Don’t forget: You are not alone!
Singleness can be hard, and singleness paired with feelings of loneliness can be even harder. But here’s the deal: God is with you. He’s not done with your story. And he’s not going to leave you. You can cling to those promises. He’s got you.
David Marvin & Emma Dotter