The Secret to Online Dating

When it comes to online dating, there’s many reasons why we decide to try it:

“Guys aren’t asking me out, so I might as well try it.”

“COVID has made it hard to meet someone.”

“There just aren’t any good guys here.”

“I’ve tried all my options, and I just haven’t met a girl I vibe with.”

“I’m bored and lonely, so I want to meet other people.”

And here’s the deal: The Bible doesn’t talk about dating, and it definitely doesn’t talk about online dating. Online dating and dating apps aren’t sinful, but they’re also not innately good. They can become sinful if we make dating and relationships an idol. So if you’re going to give (or are giving) online dating a shot, you’ve got to know why you’re doing it and check the attitude of your heart.

(If you’re not sure if you’re ready to date, check out this blog for some helpful tips!)

As David says on the podcast, there might be a scenario where online dating makes sense for you, but not your friends…or vice versa. So ask yourself if online dating has become (or would likely become) an idol—And here’s what we mean by that: Is it consuming your thoughts? When no one gives you attention, do you feel depressed? Are you constantly checking your phone to see if someone has messaged you or matched with you? If so, you might be making an idol out of online dating and should press pause. But if your heart is in a good spot, here are three things to keep in mind:

1. People need people.

Your friends determine who you become—and honestly, so will your future spouse. Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.”

Why do we bring this up? Isn’t the whole point of online dating to get to know somebody? To figure out if they’re “wise” or if they’re a “fool?”

Good question. Think about who knows you best and who you trust the most. Odds are it’s probably your closest friends—you know they’re looking out for you. At The Porch, we often say, “Don’t date in isolation.” And today we’re adding to that—Don’t date in isolation and don’t date a stranger.

But it’s online dating. Isn’t everybody a stranger?

Here’s the deal: When you date a stranger, how do you actually know if they have a real relationship with Jesus? Based off their profile alone, you can’t. (See point #2.) But, if you’ve got some mutual friends with the person who’s interested in you, that’s a different story. Never did we think we’d be telling you to Facebook stalk somebody, but honestly? It might be the wisest thing you could do.

Ask your friends if they know the guy or girl. Is he/she involved in a local church? Does he/she have a real relationship with God? Do they think he/she could be a good match for you? Why or why not?

2. People lie.

Part of online dating is creating a profile, right? It’s kind of like creating a marketing pitch for yourself—we want to look good. So naturally, the temptation for everyone creating a profile is to bend the truth… with either a white lie or full-on identity theft. But a lie is a lie.

Proverbs 12:22 says, “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.” So as you build your profile, choose honesty—even in the small things. And as you look at other people’s profiles, make sure you remember that they face the temptation to make themselves look better.

Luke 16:20 says, “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” Dishonesty on a dating profile is an indication of a larger problem. Be sure to take it seriously and use caution.

3. Don’t pursue passivity.

Girls, a lot of times we choose online dating or dating apps because guys aren’t asking us out. The danger for us is that we might find ourselves chasing after a passive guy. God calls guys to lead, so leadership is a quality we should want our guys to have.

Check out this blog from our friend JP for more thoughts on what to look for in a guy.

Guys, sometimes we choose online dating because the rejection is a lot less scary. The danger for us is that online dating can give us an excuse to be passive—to play the field, talk to a lot of girls at once and fail to pursue any one of them intentionally.

Be courageous, shoot your shot, and make your intentions clear…aka don’t DM multiple girls for five days straight. Ask one girl on a date, and don’t date multiple at the same time. Run from the temptation to be passive. God made you to lead and take initiative (Ephesians 5:23).

And if you want more thoughts on the DM game, check out this blog.

Online dating is a tricky thing, and we’re figuring it out with you guys. Thank goodness the principles we read in God’s word can be applied to any situation this world throws at us (2 Timothy 3:16).

David Marvin & Emma Dotter