"How Do I Know if They're The One?"

Kylen Perry: It's great to see you. Welcome. I don't know if you've been tracking with us over the course of this summer through this series, or maybe this is your first time in the room, but we're so grateful that you would choose to be with us here this Tuesday night. Not just those of you in the room, though you look great, but everybody who is in the Chapel right now. Special shout-out to you guys. We're so glad you didn't let the space constraints keep you away. You still made the effort to get in the room. Then, also, those who are in the Loft. We've opened up another space because the people are coming.

We're grateful to provide a seat and read the Word of God together. We're really excited for where we're going tonight, because we are continuing the series, which has been awesome. If you haven't been with us, don't worry. You're going to be able to catch up to speed really quickly. But I'm also really excited because, tonight, we have a very special guest in the room. You see, here at The Porch, we're really careful about the people we put on this stage, because we want to do a really good job of rightly dividing the Word of truth for you. We believe the gospel is too important, so we want to put people here who we deeply, deeply trust.

Tonight, we have someone we definitely trust. He has been here before, but if you've never heard him speak, you are in for a treat. He is the voice of the most spiritually formative years of my life. When I was in college, I had the benefit of sitting in seats just like yours and listening to him unpack the beauties of the gospel and teach about the unified story that was pointing to the person of Jesus, and he is a formative voice for me today. I'm so grateful that you're going to get to hear from him. Porch, do an amazing job in helping me welcome our friend Ben Stuart to the stage.

Ben Stuart: Howdy! It is so good to be here for a number of reasons. I'm excited about what we're going to look at today in God's Word, but I just need to let y'all know I am a huge fan of the pastor of this church, TA, and his wife Kat, who are over here. (Yeah, you can celebrate them if you weren't certain. You can. It's okay.) And I'm a huge fan of Kylen and his wife Brooke, too, who you just saw onstage right here.

Let me tell you why I'm a fan of, particularly, these two men. I've had the privilege of knowing them for a very long time, and I've watched both of them go through difficult seasons, be handed challenging things, be put in the crucible of suffering by God, and I've watched both of those men navigate it with humility and grace. I've had the privilege of watching God carve character into those guys.

So, to see them on this stage, and to see them stewarding this church, stewarding this movement of you… Watching these two men do this, it honestly makes me excited for you, because I know God has formed those men in the secret places so he could put them up in front of you and say, "Follow them as you follow Christ."

So, I've been excited all day, because I just love these guys a lot. I love their families a lot. I love what God has done in their lives. I like what he's doing through them. You're welcome, Dallas, from God. I didn't do it, but just that God has given you some amazing leaders. Can we honor these guys and ladies too? I'm very excited.

All right. If you have a copy of your Scriptures, we're going to be in Genesis, chapter 24. I'm going to read to you several verses of Genesis 24 just to load it into our minds. Then I'll pray, and we'll talk about it together. So, Genesis, chapter 24, starting in verse 1.

"Now Abraham was old, well advanced in years. And the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things. And Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he had, 'Put your hand under my thigh, that I may make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, but will go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac.'

The servant said to him, 'Perhaps the woman may not be willing to follow me to this land. Must I then take your son back to the land from which you came?' Abraham said to him, 'See to it that you do not take my son back there. The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from the land of my kindred, and who spoke to me and swore to me, "To your offspring I will give this land," he will send his angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there. But if the woman is not willing to follow you, then you will be free from this oath of mine; only you must not take my son back there.'

So the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master and swore to him concerning this matter. Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and departed, taking all sorts of choice gifts from his master; and he arose and went to Mesopotamia to the city of Nahor. And he made the camels kneel down outside the city by the well of water at the time of evening, the time when women go out to draw water.

And he said, 'O Lord, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham. Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. Let the young woman to whom I shall say, "Please let down your jar that I may drink," and who shall say, "Drink, and I will water your camels"-let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master.'

Before he had finished speaking, behold, Rebekah, who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, came out with her water jar on her shoulder. The young woman was very attractive in appearance, a maiden whom no man had known. She went down to the spring and filled her jar and came up. Then the servant ran to meet her and said, 'Please give me a little water to drink from your jar.' She said, 'Drink, my lord.'

And she quickly let down her jar upon her hand and gave him a drink. When she had finished giving him a drink, she said, 'I will draw water for your camels also, until they have finished drinking.' So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough and ran again to the well to draw water, and she drew for all his camels. The man gazed at her in silence to learn whether the Lord had prospered his journey or not.

When the camels had finished drinking, the man took a gold ring weighing a half shekel, and two bracelets for her arms weighing ten gold shekels, and said, 'Please tell me whose daughter you are. Is there room in your father's house for us to spend the night?' She said to him, 'I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor.' She added, 'We have plenty of both straw and fodder, and room to spend the night.'

The man bowed his head and worshiped the Lord and said, 'Blessed be the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken his steadfast love and his faithfulness toward my master. As for me, the Lord has led me in the way to the house of my master's kinsmen.' Then the young woman ran and told her mother's household about these things."

Lord, I pray for us now and say, by your grace, would you help us understand what is happening in this passage and what it means for us right now in these days in Dallas? God, I pray that you would open our minds to understand it and you'd move our hearts to care about what you care about. We sang some bold things, God, about revival coming to this city. Lord, I pray it would start right here and start within individual hearts tonight.

I just want to invite you, family, if you're willing, for you to take a minute and pray and ask him. Say, "Lord, please teach me tonight." Then, if you would, please pray for me that the Lord would use me and I'd be helpful to you.

Father, we love you, and we trust you. Use this time. We pray that in Jesus' name, amen.

One time, when I was in college at Texas A&M, on a spring break, some buddies of mine and I decided to go down to San Miguel de Allende, which is a little town about an hour north of Mexico City. So, we jumped on a bus in Nuevo Laredo and rode through the night through Mexico and then woke up as the sun rose on this little artist colony town.

I remember one of our first nights there, we got up on the roof of La Parroquia, this massive neo-Gothic cathedral that kind of dominates this city. We were sitting on the roof of this beautiful cathedral, watching the sun set, and a men's choir was down in the cavernous hallways of this church. They began to sing hymns in Latin.

I remember that moment because it stood out as a first for me. In that moment, on this beautiful building, as the sun was setting over this brightly colored town, listening to this music waft up, I was overcome with so much beauty it made my heart ache. I felt that in a moment, and I remember the thought springing to my mind, "I wish I had someone to share this with."

Then I looked over at my buddy Ricardo and thought, "That's not what I meant." Ricky is a good dude, but I was feeling romantic. That was new for me, because I didn't always feel that way. I didn't assume God would give me a wife or I'd get married, yet in that moment, I felt this. "Man, I want to be with someone. I want to share this life with somebody."

Let me tell you something. That desire and longing is good. It's a holy thing. It's a Genesis 2 thing. As God was creating humanity, Adam saw around, and the first "Not good" from God was Adam alone. It was cool to hang with the moose and the monkeys, but he wanted someone like him, a coheir in the grace of life. When he saw Eve, he said, "At last! Finally, this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. This is one like me who I can journey with through the complexities of life." That desire to pair off is good.

I remember, for me, I woke up that next morning, and as I walked through the marketplace of that city, I saw a lithograph by Gustave Doré. It was a picture of a young man helping a woman down from a camel, and at the bottom of it, it said, Isaac recibe a Rebekah. So, I accessed my two semesters of high school Spanish, and I said, "I know what that says. That says, 'Isaac receives Rebekah.'"

God was giving me a vision on that day of what is the longest chapter in the book of Genesis…God showing us the desire to pair off is good and then showing us how to do it. But let me say this. It has gotten complicated. Kylen has been speaking to that. It's complicated to pair off in the modern world.

Two-thirds of those in our church in Washington, D.C., are under the age of 30, and two-thirds of those in our church are single. So, I watch the difficulties, the longings, and the complications every single day. There are reasons for this. We could go into all of the reasons why dating and pairing off and marrying have gotten more complicated. You've talked about many of them.

The technological changes during your lifetime have made it more difficult. We've seen the data. It's in. More technology has led to less time hanging out with friends. Less time hanging out with friends led to fewer social interactions, fewer dates, fewer marriages, fewer kids, and now we have declining birth rates in nations all around the world.

We could talk about the philosophical changes. There are books coming out now from secular authors saying the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s that was meant to liberate sexuality from the bonds of marriage has not liberated women and made them happy; it has made them miserable and feel trapped. Some philosophical lies in the culture that have landed on your generation have hurt you, not helped you.

So, we could talk about all of the problems that have made it so hard for us to pair off, to do this thing we desire to do, but if I spent all my time doing that, we wouldn't get to a solution. I remember, when I first moved to D.C., I went to the Capitol, and I listened to this amazing message. This guy was telling us everything wrong with American society and why it's falling apart. As he listed all of these problems, he ran out of time, and then he left.

At the end, I was like, "Is there an answer? Was that a diagnosis or an autopsy of how we died? What's happening?" So, I can stand up here and read you the data on you and what's the matter with this world today, but I'd rather move us toward focusing on a way forward, because the good news is there is one, and the good news is I officiated four weddings in a month this spring, a personal record for me. People are finding a way to pair off even in these days.

I want to talk about dating. In different cultures at different times in history, that process of evaluating and pairing off with people has been varied. The dominant form of evaluating a potential spouse today in this world is dating. I just want to say this about dating: dating is a process you move through, not a status you sit in. Dating is meant to be a process by which you evaluate whether you and this other person are meant to link hands and run for a lifetime. It is not a status you sit in ("Well, I guess we're dating now") and then linger there for years.

Mark Regnerus at the University of Texas has done a ton of research about your generation, what he calls serial monogamy, just hanging out in an amorphous dating experience. He says in survey after survey, all it leads people to is much drama and, in the end, mixed memories and wasted time. We're not meant to dwell in dating any longer than we must. It is a process to move through, not a status to sit in. It's meant to move toward marriage. "Am I meant to bind myself with you until death do us part as we run this race together?"

So, I want to talk about it, but I know some of you might be saying, "Wait a minute, Ben. The Bible doesn't talk about dating." That's true. As Greg Matte used to say, there's no passage that says, "And Moses took Zipporah into Chili's, and they had a great time." It's not in there. So, how are you going to preach dating from the Bible? Well, the Bible doesn't talk about dating, per se, but it does have much to say about evaluation.

Look at the book of Proverbs, which was written to young men. Proverbs 25 says it's better to live on the corner of a roof than in a house with a contentious woman. That wasn't written to the married guy, hanging from his roof, going, "Now you tell me." No, it was written to the single guy to say, "Watch that girl. Does she always have drama? Are her roommates and she always fighting? Well, don't link up with her forever, because you'll never have peace in your home."

Proverbs 25 says, "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." Is that guy given to fits of rage? Is he always blowing up on people? Can he not control his own impulses? Does he say, "I'm struggling," and what that means is he's always being defeated? If that's the case, if he has no self-control, be careful; your home will never feel safe.

The Bible has much to say about how to evaluate how we pair off with somebody else. We can debate whether or not dating is, frankly, the best way to do that, but I'd rather just focus on the principles laid out in Scripture that will help us properly evaluate whether or not somebody is a good fit. I could give you a list of principles, but I want to take a different path. I want to show us this story. I think this image can capture our imagination.

I'm going to go fast, and I'm already talking fast, but let me tell you why. I don't want you to think fast equals flippant. I'm going to move through some weighty issues of the heart, but I just want to get as much out to you as I can, because if you look at the book of Genesis, Genesis moves with stunning brevity through amazing moments in the history of creation. You see the creation of the world, the creation of humanity. You see the fall, where evil came from, and how it's dealt with. You see society form. You see God judge evil and then resurrect humanity from its ashes.

You see God move all of these massive planks, and then suddenly, in Genesis, chapter 12, the narrative slows down. Rather than going through these big epochs in history, it zooms in on one man, Abraham, and his wife and kids. God says to Abraham, "I want you to move away from your father's house and everything you know. I'm going to put you on a piece of real estate that matters to me. I'll tell you why later. There I'm going to give you a seed, offspring, and your seed will bless the whole world."

When humanity broke in Genesis 3, God's promise to us was "The seed of the woman will crush the Serpent's head." A boy is coming that's going to wreck shop on the one who deceived us and broke the way humanity relates to one another. God tells Abraham, "You're going to have a seed that blesses the world. Move to this piece of land. I'm going to give you a seed, and he will bless every family on earth." Abraham does it. He has moved. He has had a full life, and now there's just one thing that remains. Abraham needs his son to get married so his lineage can continue.

The way they're going to do this… I don't know if you caught it as I was reading it. Their process of pairing off was different. It was more like an arranged marriage. I'm not going to advocate for arranged marriages tonight, but some of the guiding principles will apply to us, and I think we'll get some good practices along the way. So, let's move through it together.

As we arrive at our text, things are looking pretty good for Abraham. Verse 1 says, "Now Abraham was old, well advanced in years. And the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things." That sounds like a great place to end a story, not start one. Verse 2: "And Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he had, 'Put your hand under my thigh, that I may make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and God of the earth…'"

Before we even look at what he's going to make him swear, notice the author wants us to see something of incredible significance is happening here, and he lets us see it in three ways. First, Abraham doesn't just call for a servant; he calls for his most loyal and proven employee, the guy who has been through it all and now manages it all. "I need that guy." Then he brings that guy and makes him swear an oath by the Lord of heaven and earth. You don't make a guy do that in order to just pay the light bill. You know whatever he's about to say is critical information.

Then he tells him, "Put your hand under my thigh as you swear this." Now, commentators all agree that under my thigh is a euphemism that means "Take the man's reproductive parts into your hand." Some of you go, "Uh, what? Why would he do that?" We don't have time to go into it. We could spend a lot of time talking about it. It happens a couple of times in the Bible. The point is it's a very serious oath. You don't do that all the time. Why does he do it here?

Again, we could go into details, but when God promised Abraham, "Through your seed I'll bless the whole world," God gave him the symbol of circumcision. "It's through your seed that I will bring the one who will crush the Serpent's head and bring peace." So, when he tells him that, this symbol, this imagery, is about posterity. The hope of the world is coming here. "Swear to me by the promise given to me by God that you'll do what I'm about to ask you to do."

I mention that, even though it's a little weird, to make this point: God takes marriage really, really seriously. This is the longest chapter in Genesis. Why? God is showing us how he'll provide for Isaac, but I think it's meant to be an encouragement to you. God cares about your love life. For some people, when they feel that longing so intensely, they feel embarrassed by it. "I shouldn't want so badly to pair off." I'm just letting you know God cares. It's a serious issue to him. It matters. Specifically, who you marry matters.

Notice the oath Abraham makes him swear in verse 3. "[Swear] that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, but will go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac." Now, what's going on here? Is Abraham racist? "He can't marry a Canaanite." It's not about ethnicity; it's about allegiance.

In the Scriptures, people married across ethnic lines all the time. Moses did it. Ruth did it. It's not about ethnicity. The Canaanites believed in multiple gods, and their worship of them was surrounded by violence and sexual exploitation, completely at odds with Abraham's commitment to a God of grace and truth. So, as he's thinking about who he wants his boy to marry, he says, "You know what? My family in the old country is not perfect, but they have an allegiance to the one true God."

Thus, Abraham says his first and really only criteria for a wife for his son is she must be a woman of faith. She must believe in the one true God. That's your first point: you want to marry a man or woman of faith. For the Christian, our love is meant to overflow expected banks in the culture and go everywhere. Jesus told us to love our enemies. We're supposed to love everybody.

When you talk about your inner ring, the person you bind yourself together with, you want it to be a person who has the same allegiance you do in life. You want a person who's walking by faith in the God you love. Paul told Timothy, "Flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, love, joy, and peace, along with those who call out to God out of a pure heart." You want to run together with someone who's moving the same direction as you.

Think about why people get divorced. What's the most common thing they say? "Our lives went different directions." What do they mean by that? They don't mean, "Well, I'm a lawyer. She's a librarian. What do we have in common?" They're not talking about career; they're talking about values. "In the biggest issues in life, we value life differently." Because here's the reality: whatever you think is most valuable in the world will shape your values, and your values will shape your decisions, and your decisions shape your life.

So, when you are going to build a life with someone, make sure you are lockstep on the biggest issues in life. Yet, I'll talk to some young people who go, "Well, I mean, technically he's a monotheist." Okay. Some variety is good. He likes CrossFit; you like Pilates. That's fine. But in the biggest issues in life… "What do I think ultimate reality is, and why do I think we're all here?" You don't want to go, "What's the bare minimum I can settle for?"

I remember hearing Tommy Nelson say it to a room like this years ago. He said, "The loneliness of being single is not assuaged by the loneliness you'll feel in a king-sized bed lying next to a man who cannot speak with you about the deepest things in life." You don't compromise here. Don't settle here.

Notice, it's not just "Marry a believer in God." The servant responds with a question in verse 5. "The servant said to him, 'Perhaps the woman may not be willing to follow me to this land. Must I then take your son back to the land from which you came?'" That seems like a reasonable request. "Hey, if she's not willing to take this trip back, can I resettle the boy in the old country? You know, let her be near her family, let her continue her career, be supportive…that sort of thing."

It gets a strong reaction from Abraham in verse 6. "Abraham said to him, 'See to it that you do not take my son back there.'" The NAS translates it, "Beware that you do not take my son back there!" What's Abraham's deal? Is he a chauvinist? Why does he say that? Verse 7: "The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from the land of my kindred, and who spoke to me and swore to me, 'To your offspring I will give this land,' he will send his angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there."

Why is he so serious about this? Because Abraham doesn't have this. We're here in the story. He didn't have the whole Scripture to read, but he had a profound encounter with God in Genesis 12 that was reaffirmed by a covenant in Genesis 15. He had two directives. "Move to this land, and you will have offspring. That offspring will bless the whole world from this strategic piece of real estate," which is really the only land bridge between three major continents. We don't have time to get into all that.

God says, "I want you right there when you have your seed that will bless the world." Abraham says, "I got two commands from the King: 'Be here. Have a kid.' I'm doing that. So, no, the boy can't leave. It's not because I'm not supportive of who this girl is; it's because God told us to move by faith." So, you don't just want to marry someone of faith; you want to marry someone who is moving by faith, walking by faith. My allegiance to God affects the decisions I make. "Beware that you do not go back. God called us to the cutting edge of faith, and if this girl won't go with us, then she's not the one."

What kind of woman would not be willing to go with them? Some of you ladies may say, "A prudent one? I mean, she doesn't even know these people." Back then, this would have been a good arrangement. These weren't strangers. They knew these people. This would have been fitting with the culture of the day.

The woman who would have said, "I don't want to go with you" is one who says, "I don't want to live by faith like you do. I'll attend church with you a little bit. I'll believe there's a God up there, but I don't want it to shape my decisions. I don't want to give away my money." He says, "No. She has to live on the cutting edge of faith. We sold everything and moved with God, and I want to be linked up with someone like that."

I remember I had a buddy years ago. He agreed to run a marathon with a coworker. He was passionate about it, so he started to train every day. She did not. So, when they got to the marathon, he was running at their agreed-upon pace, and she was struggling to keep up, but she didn't want him to leave. "Stay with me." He was so mad, because he said, "I had a passion to do this, and I had a pace, and now you're holding me back."

For me, I ran one marathon in life, and I did it with my sister because she asked me to and I love her. We trained every single day, every step together. So, when it came time to run the race, we were lockstep together, just moving together, laughing, talking, accelerating. Why? Because we had the same passion, the same pace, moving together. That's how you want to do marriage. You don't want to compromise here.

Anybody can say they're a Christian. I had a friend in college get sexually assaulted on her first date by a guy who had a Bible on his coffee table and an ichthus on the back of his car, a Christian bumper sticker. I had a country friend who used to say it this way: "You can put a bow tie on a turd, but it's still a turd."

I don't care what someone calls themselves. "Yeah, I believe in God. Yeah, I'm a Christian." I want to watch your life. Not just a person of faith but someone who moves by faith. My allegiance to God affects my direction. You want to say, "I'm following the King. I live for him. I want to run after him, and I want the person next to me to be running lockstep in stride together." That's what you want. You want someone you're sprinting along with, a second engine to the car, not someone you're dragging behind.

For Donna and me… That's what I was looking for: a woman who wanted to run after God as hard as I did. Let me tell you something. Your marriage will be strongest when it's on mission together. Maybe not the same vocation, but same direction, same passion. Now, as soon as I say that, I know some of you go, "Yeah, Ben. That's why we're here. That's what we want. It's easy for you to say that, but what are the odds I'm going to find someone like that? The good ones are all gone."

Look at Abraham's mentality in verse 7. "The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from the land of my kindred, and who spoke to me and swore to me, 'To your offspring I will give this land,' he will send his angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there." What's Abraham's perspective? "If I've trusted God with my life, I can trust God with my love life." He's a man of faith.

So, you don't just want to marry someone of faith; you want to enter into this process as a person of faith. "If I've trusted Jesus with my eternal state, then I can trust him with my Friday night." I meet a lot of people who say, "Oh, yeah, my heart belongs to Jesus," but when it comes to dating, suddenly it gets weird. "I have to dress a certain way and act a certain way to land, bag, trick, get some person, because it's just me out here, and I have to figure this out." No, no, no. Desperation is a bad look for everybody.

I have to say, "If I trust God with my eternal destiny, then I'll trust him with my destiny on Friday night." I want to be someone who's living by faith in the way I move into a dating circle. You want to walk into a date with the quiet confidence of knowing, "God determines my steps. I can be me." And a good version of you. I mean, bathe. But I'm not there trying to convince somebody that we're meant to be together. I'm walking with God by faith, and I'm just evaluating, "Are we meant to run together as we seek him?"

Abraham's final words to his servant are in verse 8. "But if the woman is not willing to follow you, then you will be free from this oath of mine; only you must not take my son back there." Notice his perspective. "Hey, if this doesn't work, I'm willing to let it go. If she won't walk by faith, then you come home empty-handed. I'd rather my son be single than settle for second best. Don't compromise. Don't get scared and settle."

"So the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master and swore to him concerning this matter. Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and departed, taking all sorts of choice gifts from his master; and he arose and went to Mesopotamia to the city of Nahor." So, the servant's journey begins. Will he be successful? As we round the corner here, I want to move from general guiding principles to some practical advice.

Here's the first practical advice we're going to get from the servant as he's searching for the one: look in the right place. Notice it says he travels to the city of Nahor. Nahor is not the name of the city; Nahor is the name of Abraham's brother, which seems intuitive. "If I'm going to find Abraham's kinsmen, let me go to the city that houses the kinsmen of Abraham. Let me go where his relatives live." It makes sense.

If I'm looking for someone, let me go to their house. If I'm looking for someone's kid, let me go to their house. If I'm looking for a daughter of God, let me go to God's house. If you want to marry a child of God, go to God's house. Show up where those people would be. It seems like such an obvious point.

I remember, years ago, I was invited to Dallas and spoke at this singles thing. It was packed out, kind of like this. I did a survey in the room of all of these people. "What church do you go to?" They were all going to the same church together. Then I asked them where they were all primarily dating. Their number one and two choices were "on apps" and "in bars."

I'm not going to criticize apps. I've done weddings of people who met on apps. There's some value to them. There are some downsides, but there is some value to them. And you can meet wonderful people at the bar. I'm not saying you can't do that either, but I'm just saying, think about the odds. If you want to marry a person of God…

I told that room of girls, because some of them were like, "Yeah, we don't date the guys here…" I was like, "All right. Just for a second… What if, out of 100 guys, 90 of them are just goobers? I mean, it's hopeless. You're just like, 'Ugh.' Think about that." I said, "That's still 10 guys you'd want your son to be like. What are your odds at the bar? Are they better than that?" I said, "Look. I don't know, and I'm not saying you can't find people there, but I'm just saying, for me…"

Like, if I want to find a Texan… I've met some in D.C., but the percentage shot goes way up when I come to Texas. If you want to meet someone who loves the Lord, go to the places where people who love the Lord hang out. That's all I'm trying to say in this point. It's not really complicated.

I remember we did our volunteer Christmas party. Like I said, two-thirds of our church are single and under 30. We had our volunteer Christmas party, and I'll never forget. These two young men walked up to me. I had written a book on dating, and they were like, "Hey, man. You wrote the book on dating. How do we meet girls?" I looked over their shoulder at our 400 or 500 volunteers, and I was like, "Well, guys, I'll tell you where to start. Stop talking to me!"

I said, "We've called them out. We've called out not just girls who go to this church but are serving here, actively involved in the business of God. We threw a party. They got dressed up. They look nice. They're wonderful people. If you can't play ball on this field…70-degree weather; no wind; nice, lush grass…if you can't play ball here, I don't know what else to do, man."

So, he goes to the city of Nahor. Some of you go, "Well, Ben, that's great, but I don't have any people in my social circle who want to walk with God." Move! This city was 500 miles away from where Isaac lived. That was his willingness. Sometimes you have to walk 500 miles, and sometimes you have to walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles to fall down at her door. It's all right. Get into a different crowd of people. Just don't settle.

So, he arrives at the city, but he's more specific than that. Verse 11: "And he made the camels kneel down outside the city by the well of water at the time of evening, the time when women go out to draw water." That's the second tip: go where the women are. Notice what kind of women: those who are providing for their family. That's important. All through the Bible, godly women have been those who are willing to work hard. We'll see it in a moment in Rebekah. Moses' wife was a shepherdess. The Shulammite in Song of Solomon worked in the vineyard. Ruth gleaned the fields.

A woman who's willing to work is a prize. The high-yield woman, the mighty woman, the righteous one, the warrior woman of Proverbs 31… It says she girds herself with strength. She makes her arms strong. She's not a passive woman. She feeds her family, clothes them, and conducts wise business. She buys and sells real estate, invests, and serves the needy. She's not an idle and weak person in Proverbs 31. You want a girl like this.

When I was single, I was the last one of my friends to get married. As I dwelled longer in singleness, like some of you maybe feel… "I'm dwelling in it a long time." I said, "You know what? I want a girl who I'm going to meet in the midst of the work. I'm running hard after God. I want to make a difference with my life, and I want to meet a girl on the mission field. I want to meet a girl who's working like that." You want somebody like that. When I met Donna, she was involved in a church, serving, discipling young girls. She had worked at a barbecue restaurant. She had calloused hands. Amen.

Let me apply this in two ways. You want an industrious person. You don't want to marry a lazy person, by the way. They'll frustrate you to no end when it comes time to pay bills, earn a living, clean your house, et cetera. Ladies, take your cues from Rebekah. Decide to work hard. Guys, take your cues from Isaac. His servant rolls up with 10 camels. That means Isaac was paid. He had a job. Now, I'm not saying you have to be rich; I'm just saying you have to be employed. So, you get out there, hustle up, and get some camels to show that you can be a productive human being in society.

The other thing I want to say before we move on from this is you're going to find the workers working. "I want to find a worker." Then find the workers working. If you want to marry someone who's industrious in the things of God, who are doing things that matter, you might find them sitting next to you at church. You're probably more likely to find them serving in the nursery, serving on the greeting team, serving in a church capacity, serving here at The Porch.

If you want to work with the workers, get working where they work. If you want to fly with the fliers, go where fliers are flying. So, if you want to be with somebody who's industrious and moving, get involved. Get involved in your local church. Get involved and serve. Get involved here at The Porch. Move, and you'll find some people moving alongside of you, and you'll run together. That's the idea.

Notice what he does when he gets to his destination. Verse 12: "And he said, 'O Lord, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham.'" That's your next tip. He actively invites God into the process. He hasn't initiated yet with a woman, but he gets there and goes, "Okay. God, I need you to show up."

Prayer takes the desperation out of dating. There's a God over this who's guiding us. There's a God over this who's worthy of our trust. I don't need to rule out of anxiety. I cast my cares upon him because he cares for me, the Scripture says. So, I know he cares for me. I can be settled in this moment. So he prays, like Proverbs tells us. "In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

"God, I invite you into this moment" is something I pray all the time when I'm talking to people. "God, I invite you into this moment. You're already here, but I just want to acknowledge your presence in this. Give me the grace in this moment to be fully present with you, God, as I talk to this person." I would pray that when I was single and walked into rooms like this. "I don't know if I'm here to encourage a friend, make a friend, or meet the one. I don't know, but I know I want to walk in saying, 'God, you're leading me. Guide me where you'd have me go.'" So he prays. In verse 13, we get the substance of the prayer.

"Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. Let the young woman to whom I shall say, 'Please let down your jar that I may drink,' and who shall say, 'Drink, and I will water your camels'-let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master."

Now, I can't affirm that it'll work out this way. "Lord, let the one I'm sitting by at The Porch be the one I'm meant to marry. Thank you, Lord." I don't know, but I want you to notice what criteria he's looking for. This is an old man. He said, "I'm going to approach as an old man and ask for a drink of water. I want her to be someone who will not only help me and give me a drink but will help me with all of my animals too." He's looking for graciousness.

That's your next tip. You want to look for a gracious person. Proverbs 11 says, "A gracious woman attains honor." This lady is going to end up marrying an incredible guy. How did she get there? She was kind. She was hospitable. I watched a fascinating phenomenon. (This'll sound terrible, I know.) There were two social spheres I was in, one in high school and one in college, where there was a girl in each of those spheres who was, in both situations, middle of the pack in terms of attractiveness. (I know; it's terrible. I told you it was going to be.)

The most interesting social phenomenon would happen. They would get asked out exponentially more than everyone else. It was wild. You go, "What was the common denominator?" They were both so nice. They were both so kind. They were encouraging to people. They would help out. One of them was at a restaurant I worked at. She would help bus tables that weren't her tables. You don't get paid for that. She would do it for everybody, not just one guy she liked. She was just gracious.

I would watch these guys get confused. Non-Christian guys would look at her and be like, "I love you." Over time, some of us were like, "All right, easy." We just watched that. We had to defend her, because all of these guys were attracted to that kindness. Guys, it's the same with you. Proverbs 19 says, "What's desirable in a man is his kindness."

I remember the first ministry I got involved in as a young man. I got involved in this parachurch organization, and I was in these Bible studies. After a while, I made the observation that all of the men who led them were homely looking guys with beautiful wives. One after another, I was like, "This is a trend. What is happening?" Finally, I asked one of them. I was like, "Hey, man. What is the deal? Because I'm looking at you, then I'm looking at her…"

I'll never forget. He goes, "That's a great question. It's one I've asked myself." He said, "I'll tell you. I was in college. This girl was so nice, so sweet, so kind, so amazing. I worked up all my courage and asked her out on a date. She said 'Yes.' I went back to my room and was like, 'Yes!'" Then he realized that's as far as he had thought it through. So, he got home and was like, "Oh no! I don't know what to do." He was freaking out, like, "It took all of me to just get the courage to ask her. She actually said 'Yes.' I'm freaking out. I have no plan."

He literally went to his Bible and was like, "Help me, Lord," and threw it open to Proverbs 19. "What's desirable in a man is his kindness." He said, "I may get everything else wrong tonight, but I will be kind." They went on a date. Fast-forward. They're married. He said, "Ben, we were lying in bed one night, and I asked her the very question you just asked me. 'How did this happen?' She went, 'You were just so kind. You were so kind.'" It works.

So, he's looking for a woman who's kind. Now, notice the text says she's beautiful. Bonus. He didn't pray for that. That's nice. And it mentions that she had never been with a man. That means she was a virgin. Let me say this about that. This is a whole other sermon for another day. There's a value to sexual purity in the Bible. Paul told the Thessalonians, "You should abstain from sexual immorality. You shouldn't wrong or defraud your brother in this way." Sexuality is a gift from God meant to be confined within a boundary of "I promise to love all of you, not just the part I want to use."

Here in the Bible, you see a value to sexuality to protect it. It's a gift. Protect it. Give your body to someone who wants all of you, who wants to care about your heart, your feelings, and your mind. You want someone who cares about you. Yet, I want you to notice it was not a prerequisite of Abraham's because it's not a prerequisite of God's. In the New Testament, the church is called the bride of Christ. Jesus' bride did not come to him pristine.

Ephesians says he washed us by the water of his word. We all come to Jesus sexually broken. Everybody does. Look through the Bible. Every time people rebelled against God, there was some sexual tragedy associated with their culture. Yet God says, "Sex is a gift. I gave it to you. I want it to be protected within the boundaries that are for your human flourishing." Paul told the Corinthians to take it outside of the boundaries is to sin against your own body.

Let me make the point: it messes up the evaluation process. Sex is fun. God made it that way. It releases oxytocin, which is a bonding agent in your mind. It releases dopamine, the happy chemical that says, "Do that again." If you rush sexuality into the evaluation process of dating, you'll stay connected with someone for a long time before you even realize, "I can't trust them." So, you're meant to hold that back to evaluate their character and y'all's chemistry. Then, when you say, "We are meant to be together until death do us part," you enjoy the gift God gave us of sexuality.

But I want you to be clear and know that if you say, "Hey, I'm here, and I'm not sexually pristine…" Yeah, that's most everybody. It was not a prerequisite for a happy and godly marriage. If you look through the Bible, the lineage of Jesus is filled with people with sexually devastated pasts…Judah, Rahab, David, Bathsheba…not too far gone, graciously forgiven, wonderful marriages, a part of godly and great things. So be encouraged.

All this servant knows right now is that she's hot and carrying a water jug. Sometimes that's not a bad place to start. He asks her for a drink. You know what happens. She gives him one and says, "And I'll water your camels." It says, "He gazed in silence to learn whether the Lord had prospered his journey or not." Watch and learn. Watch them for a while.

That's one of the benefits of being in a social circle with people for a while. You just get to watch them. Anyone can do good in an hour interview over dinner. "Charm is deceitful. Beauty is vain." But just watch them in a social circle. How do they treat old people? How do they treat young people? How do they treat people who won't serve some direct advantage for them financially or socially? That's how they'll treat you when you're not at your best. Just watch and learn. He just watches her to learn. "Is this the one?"

When I first met Donna, she was leading worship on a stage. Let me tell you something. That did not impress me at all, because there's enough benefit to being on a stage in front of people that you could be doing it for selfish, insecure, and shallow reasons. That's not sufficient for me. I had to watch her.

I saw how she would disciple young girls. She didn't get paid for that. She did it because she loved the Lord, loved her church, and loved these girls. I watched her serve selflessly over time. I saw, "This is a girl who doesn't just love God; she's being shaped into the image of God. That's who I want to be bound together with, because she'll love me when I'm at my best and when I'm at my worst." You want to keep watching their character. "A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." You want that.

He asks her her name. She says she's from Nahor. "The man bowed his head and worshiped the Lord and said, 'Blessed be the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken his steadfast love and his faithfulness toward my master.'" He asks who she is. "Who is this gracious, wonderful, kind woman?" She says, "I'm a relative of Nahor." He goes, "Oh, my God, you did it. I thought it was impossible. You did it." And he worships. Let me tell you something. That's what you want. You don't want to settle for someone. You want to worship at the grace of God to lead you to the right person.

When I was in my 20s, I had a buddy who said he wanted to ask this girl out who was so cute, sweet, and amazing. He said, "But I'm scared." Everyone was like, "No, do it." He went, "No, man." Then he took a batter's stance and went, "This is how I feel. 'Now batting out of his league, Jinx Curry.'" I remember when he said that we all laughed, like, "Haha, that's funny."

Then one of the guys went, "But that's how you want to feel. You don't want to get married to a girl and go, 'You know, you were about the best I could pull off. Slid in right about here.' You want to marry someone that you go, 'Thank you, God, for leading me to a woman like that. Thank you for leading me to a person like that.'"

I had been scared of marriage. I waited a long time. When Donna and I finally figured out, "This is the one," I remember driving from Dallas through the night up to Oklahoma to talk to her dad and through the night down to meet her mom at sunrise the next morning. I saw the sunset and sunrise to go talk to her parents, because once I knew it was her…let's go.

That whole drive across Texas… I remember at one point rolling the windows down and worshiping. "God, you did it." It took me longer than everyone else I know. Isaac was 40 in this passage. Sometimes you have to wait for your pitch, but when it's the right one, you worship. That's what you're meant to do.

Finally, the woman is asked at the end, "Are you willing to go?" That's the big moment. The servant tells the whole story again. The family wants the servant to stay. The servant says, "Hey, call the girl in." She says, "I'll go." She's a woman of faith, and she goes. She rides with the servant. It says in verse 62:

"Now Isaac had returned from Beer-lahai-roi and was dwelling in the Negeb. And Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening. And he lifted up his eyes and saw, and behold, there were camels coming. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from the camel and said to the servant, 'Who is that man, walking in the field to meet us?' The servant said, 'It is my master.' So she took her veil and covered herself. And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. Then Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her." That's what you want.

Let me close with this. This is a real story. This is how the lineage of Jesus came together where he showed up, but it's also a picture of what God is doing with you and me. The father sends his servant to tell a potential mate, "I have a son." A miraculous son. Isaac was a miracle. A miraculous son who was laid on the altar as a sacrifice (that was Isaac), yet God brought him back.

"He is the heir of all things, and he wants you. He wants a relationship with you, a covenant of steadfast love. The question is: Will you say yes? Will you go? Will you walk by faith to be his?" What is being asked of her is what's being asked of you by God. God looks at us and says, "I have a son." He was miraculously born, laid on the altar as a sacrifice for you and me, and now he's the heir of all things, and he is coming to each one of us and saying, "I want a relationship with you."

Let me encourage you as we close. Before you get a relationship with a guy or a girl right, you need to get a relationship with God right. You need to know the love that crossed from heaven to earth and sacrificed for you. You need that love to change you from the inside out. Then you link up with one of God's kids.

Enter into his family by faith in the Son of God who has sent servants like TA, Kylen, me, and so many others to tell you, "There is a son of the King, an heir of all things, who was a sacrifice for you. Will you by faith walk with him?" I promise you'll be amazed at what God does as you walk with him by faith. Uncertainty will abound, but he's good in it. When he leads you to the right one, if it be his will, you'll rejoice. Amen?

Father, thank you. Thank you that you care. Thank you that you care about our hearts. I pray for any in this space who have never put their faith in you, God, that this would be the day that relationship gets right first. There's forgiveness with you. There's life with you. There's hope with you. God, I pray for us as we think about the longings in our hearts to pair off. I pray some faith muscles might grow tonight.

Friend, I want to encourage you. Let's not make this just a classroom. Make it a lab. Before you walk out of here, are you willing to trust God by faith? "God, I want to trust you with my eternal destiny. I want to walk with Jesus. God, I want to trust you with my Friday night. I'm not going to compromise with someone I know doesn't care about you. God, I don't want to settle. I want to walk by faith, and I want to walk with someone by faith. I'm scared of the uncertainty, but I want to live by faith."

Some of you just need to offer up to him your dating life, your desires, and say, "God, I want to take the next step to be someone who walks with purity and holiness and faith with a God who moved all of history to send his Son and is moving me now to walk with him." Will you trust him? Let's talk to him.