The Porch at Watermark, August 2, 2011
Jonathan Pokluda, Boy Meets Girl
1 Timothy 4:12
1) Speech: How Do They Talk?
- super negative? Constantly down?
- consistent ignorance or profanity?
- quick to be angry or harsh?
- James 1:19-20
- if those are the case, get out of there! Let them work on them!
- story: a woman at Braum's with a shirt that said, "You call me a b***h like that's a bad thing" -- it is! But our society treats it as good to have attitude.
- Eph. 4:29, does he/she talk about themselves a lot?
- is she constantly in the mirror, focused on her? That won't make a good wife/momma?
- does he/she gossip? Prov. 20:19 says to avoid a gossip
- James 3:6, the tongue is a flame of fire
2) Conduct: How Do They Act?
- those who diligently follow Christ are a small group of people; they often stick together; and they shine like stars, according to Phil. 2:15
- this is why we observe: you do not date someone you don't know
- be in the same context together, serve together, talk consistently about spiritual things
- don't date someone without a reputation; know their reputation; reputation takes time
- you want to know their current reputation--anyone who is truly healing understands that it takes time to earn trust; they say "watch me"
- illustration: "say I have a car, but don't have the money and go into the bank to get a loan wearing a fancy suit and putting forth a big story. What are they going to do? They will run my credit score and assess my past history."
- guys/gals may put forth a good image but you need to check their background and reputation
- modesty: ladies, you should dress attractively, not dress to attract--you'll get the wrong guys!
- - ladies, you need to protect your men and try to guard their eyes
- - check Facebook to see if he/she is trying to attract you with their body or worldly things
- 1 Peter 3:3-5, your beauty should not come from outward adornment--women, memorize that verse
- 1 Tim. 3:2-3, ladies, here is a good list for a guy (qualifications of a pastor, which also makes a good husband)
- "beauty is fleeting"--we're all getting uglier! Prov. 31:30
- beauty is the marketing strategy of the world
- men, you want Prov. 31, not Prov. 7
3) Love: How Do They Love?
- are they steadfast in emotions or love and deed?
- "A sign of maturity is that our feelings and emotions no longer determine our reality." --Todd Wagner
- we use others and the Bible to speak into our decisions
- a common, bad reason why people love someone: "I love the way they make me feel."
- we don't love God for the way He makes us feel, but because of who He is
- for girls: does he initiate?
- being led in a relationship is not changing churches or friends, but responding to the guy
- guys, being intentional is not being intense; it just means speaking truth and not making her wonder
- is she full of drama and decisions full of emotions?
- some people get addicted to drama and the lows in the roller coaster of relationships
- let those people heal
- here's what you want: you want a really boring marriage (in comparison to the dramatic ones the world and media present; i.e. The Bachelor and Bachelorette)
- you want a marriage that NBC wouldn't put on TV
- it looks like this: 1 Cor. 13:4-7, you want to be loved like that
4) Faith: How Is Their Faith?
- like a car, you don't want to just open the hood and see it has an engine, but that the engine is good
- you want to check out their faith--this is a non-negotiable!
- you want to be equally yoked and find someone running in the faith with you
- 2 Cor. 6:14, you want someone already married to the Lord who is going to be okay if it doesn't work out
- does their heart already belong to the Lord?
- one of JP's friends who is single and 40 told him that it took her a long time to realize that if she never gets married, she is going to be okay
- if you never have sex, you aren't going to die
- you want someone who fully understands the gospel
- Rom. 10:9, Eph. 5:25; John 15:13; Rom. 5:8
5) Purity: Are They Pure?
- we live in the most sexually-charged and sexually-filled culture in the history of the world
- God has the right ideas about sex, and we need to realign our minds to God's
- cohabitation: increased probability of divorce or never marrying
- couples who wait to have sex until they are married last longer, have better sex lives and are more content
- pornography: it will ruin your marriage before it ever starts
- JP: it almost ruined his marriage, but for God sanctifying and healing him
- girls, how do you help your boyfriend who struggles with porn? Break up with him until he gets well
- guys, how do you help your girlfriend who struggles with porn? Break up with her until she gets well
- if you struggle with this, come to Re:generation on Monday nights (at Watermark)
- walk in the light
- love that person more by healing and getting well first
- marriage is not the solution to your struggle with porn and masturbation
- Matt. 5:28-30, you don't test drive or make sure everything fits--that's really stupid
- people test drive cars is not really to evaluate how it drives but to sell it
- sex will do the same and emotionally attach you to it
- no one has ever said after getting married that they wish they had done more before they married
- you have a lifetime to work on that stuff--you may think that's crazy, but pick your head up, look at the Scriptures, follow God and be free
Are you these things?
Are you above reproach in the way you talk, act, love, have faith, are pure?
You work on you.
Are you the person that the person you're looking for is looking for?
You don't go to buy unless you know what you are looking for. Make a list based on Scripture.
Knowledge is your friend. You have to know what God wants for you. He is the expert. He knows. Ask Him. Search His Scriptures. Lean on Him.