Boy Meets Girl (Part 3)

The Porch at Watermark, August 16, 2011

Jonathan Pokluda, Boy Meets Girl

Intro: don't take a bunch of baggage on your honeymoon. Deal with your baggage before you get there. There's a lot of baggage every week at The Porch; it's just easier to see the bags here on the stage. All our baggage does is conceal our dirty laundry. That's all it does. We all have baggage. When you stand at the altar before God, you want to have checked your baggage, you want to have checked their baggage, you don't want to bring it with you.

We've talked a lot about materialism in this series. And the truth is, the world's economy depends on you trying to hide your baggage. It depends on the person you pursue trying to hide their baggage. And it's going to help them to hide their baggage.

Checking Your Baggage, adapted from a talk by Louie Giglio

- the way that you battle lies is with the truth. Go to Philippians 4:8.

The Baggage That You've Received From Your Parents



1) Your Parents' Baggage

- the things your parents struggled with or maybe your grandparents struggled with

- it doesn't matter if you had fantastic parents; no one had perfect parents

- your parents are sinners

- your parents didn't make you a sinner but they gave you a buffet to choose from

- they helped you hone in on your sins of choice

- maybe your parents were materialistic or angry or worriers or apathetic Christians

- JP and Monica came from two different extremes of addressing conflict and avoiding it

- the lie: I have to carry my parents' baggage because they did

- the truth: Galatians 2:20, I check my baggage because it died on the cross

2) Abandonment

- maybe your parents divorced or disappeared

- or maybe they were there but you didn't feel like they cared about you or that you were a mistake

- this is how this affects us and our relationships

- - we latch on to anyone who shows us attention

- - or we've been hurt and aren't going to let anyone hurt us or get inside us

- lie #1: I need someone to make me feel loved

- truth: Psalm 27:10, 68:5-6

- lie #2: I am afraid of getting hurt

- truth: Perfect love casts out fear, 1 John 4:18

3) Enablement

- your parents don't want to be your parents, they want to be your friends

- when you got in trouble, they tried to hide it or redirect the blame

- you're protected from everything to protect their lives & images and yours

- somewhere inside of you, you wanted them to be parents, to care enough to discipline you

- Prov. 13:24, 22:6

- if this is you, this is how you respond: entitlement

- - it's my way or the highway because it's always been my way

- you're going to be a disaster in your relationship and marriage

- that whole entitlement thing will take you and your wife down

- you're not looking for a wife but a hooker, not a husband but a sugar daddy

- the lie: I need to get what I want so that I can feel loved

- the truth: Rom. 8:17, I can receive everything I need in Christ Jesus, Gal. 3:29

- - we deserve nothing but have everything in Christ

4) Contingent Love

- performance-based acceptance

- "I love you, but make sure you..."

- your parents lived this way through you because they were either the best and want you to be, or because they weren't but want you to be

- we apply this to God and think He'll love us if we do things or act a certain way

- but He loves us based on our belief in His Son

- you never ever felt good enough

- the truth is that He loves you all the way right now

- some of us are so desperate for attention that we'll take it from anywhere

- the lie: I need to perform so that others with love me

- the truth: nothing can separate me from God's love, Rom. 8:38-39

5) Abuse

- emotional, verbal, physical, sexual

- before you get married, make sure you've dealt with this--not hide it, deal with it

- if that isn't a part of your story, maybe God wants you to be a shoulder to cry on

- God is bigger than that and God is a God of compassion

- the enemy says you can't tell anyone; don't believe that lie

- John 11:35-44, He brings the dead to life!

- the lie: I am damaged and cannot deal with my abuse

- the truth: I am a new creation because of the abuse that Christ overcame, 2 Cor. 5:16-21

You think you are here because you're looking for a spouse, when you're actually here to be set free. Be married well to God.

If you aren't being discipled right now, if you're stagnant, then you're not being a follower of Christ.

What can I do?

a) Forgive your parents

b) Be in community--meet with guys/gals and ask them to point out the baggage in your life

c) Understand that you're a new creation--"the ground at the foot of the cross is level" (Brandon, 8/9/11)

- - take it to the cross of Christ

- - hang your parents' baggage on the cross

- - Jesus dealt with that

If your community affirms that you've dealt with your baggage and are ready:

a) Guys: find the most solid girl you know, which you'll know because of the respect she has from others, and get to know her

b) Ladies: be the strongest girl you know