This may not be a huge surprise, but we receive A LOT of questions via email, social media, and in person on Tuesdays. What kind of questions? Well, anything from, Should I get back together with my boyfriend or girlfriend? to What should I do next with my life? to How should I lovingly engage those in the LGBTQ community?
In this blog series “Ask The Porch,” we’re answering real-life questions that we’ve received from you. Disclaimer: our highest priority is always to first respond with biblical counsel from God’s Word. The hardest questions to answer are those in the “grey” areas. So we’ll do our best to share our biblically-informed opinion, but know that we may have different convictions on the non-essentials (vs. the essentials).
Now, let’s dive into the question for this week emailed in from an online listener:
I am a Christian and have struggled with same sex attraction since childhood. I would not wish it on anyone. It’s very hard being alone and longing for someone to hold hands with. I want the chance to love and have someone love me back. I want to live a life for God but I also don’t want to live on this earth alone.
People will tell you all you need is Jesus… but they have a spouse and are enjoying sexual pleasure. I don’t desire a wife, so I can’t experience that because it would be sin. I know God is God and His way is right. I’ve seen God’s blessings in my life, but life can just be unfair. I’ve prayed for years but have still been left without understanding why God made me this way.
A lot of churches know what the Bible says about same-sex relationships, but have very little knowledge of how to help people. Their answer is that “God didn’t create Adam and Steve, but Adam and Eve.” Can you tell Christians to quit telling people that God hates them? That only pushes people away from God, making them think that God does not love them. I don’t want to see my gay friends go to hell and I do not want to go to hell either, but the further we’re pushed away, the more likely our relationship with God will lessen. I think a lot of gay people feel that straight people could not possibly understand what a struggle it is because they have not had to endure it.
Hey friend, thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m so sorry for the difficulties you have walked through. I can only imagine how hard it must be. I may not be able to fully understand the struggle you face, but I know that God understands, sees, and empathizes with you (Psalm 139:1-24). Most importantly, God does not hate you but GOD LOVES YOU and all those who identify as LGBTQ+.
Let me preface by saying that my response is rooted in the belief that it’s never loving to be silent in the midst of sin. That’s because I’ve seen that disobedience to God only leads to destruction in life (Romans 1:24-32). Even secular studies recognize the negative consequences that practicing homosexuality leads to—see data at end of article. But more than anything, I hope you’re able to receive biblical truth in Christlike love (Ephesians 4:15).
With that said, God’s Word is clear regarding homosexual lifestyles (Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, 1 Timothy 1:8-10, Romans 1:26–27, 1 Corinthians 6:9), and the Church has been convinced of this truth for thousands of years… until more recently. Though culture continues to move away from truth, we as the Church will continue to stand by God’s Word because we trust that following God’s best leads to abundant life.
Having temptations related to homosexuality is not sin, but acting on those desires is sin. This goes for any sin like pride or anger, not just homosexuality. We all have different struggles, and some are more difficult to endure than others. Even so, we all have the choice to say no or yes to sin and temptation, and I believe wholeheartedly that resisting temptation while seeking to live according to God’s will is only for our good and benefit (Psalm 19:7-14).
Be reminded that no one is too far from God’s grace and God alone has the power to change our sinful desires (Ephesians 4:17-24). But if He doesn’t change those desires, you can trust that He will give you strength to endure and use you to strengthen the Church with your faith (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). It may be really hard to believe, but because of the gospel, God truly is enough (Psalm 73:21-28). And as a married man, I can assure you that marriage is not enough. It's not enough to satisfy anyone or bring the kind of joy that comes from Christ alone. The truth is, you have it harder than I do. That’s something worth wrestling with God about, as it sounds like you have. I don’t have all the answers, but I know that He does. And I know that it’s in the hard that God meets us and sanctifies us to look more like Him.
Let me ask you, are you plugged into a local church body? If not, this is your best next step. Get plugged into a local church and seek out biblical community. You need other believers to pray with you, encourage you with scripture, and hold you accountable in all areas of life. I would lean heavily on the counsel of your community and church as you walk with Jesus while navigating your struggles.
Please let me know if we can help you get plugged into a local church where you are because we’d love to help! Here are a few resources that I believe will help you as you understand same-sex attraction from a biblical point of view:
• 10 Resources to Help You Talk About Homosexuality and Transgender Biblically
• Love is Love
• Re:generation: Same Sex Attraction
• Got Questions: Same Sex Attraction
I’m encouraged by your willingness to wrestle and your faith to seek God. My prayer is that this will strengthen you and bring you closer to Him.
*Even secular studies recognize the consequences that practicing homosexuality leads to. See stats here.