Heart's Desire

By Jennifer Hunt

I grew up in a Christian home, attended Christian schools, and went on Christian mission trips. I thought I knew what being a Christian was all about, and felt like as long as I lived life by “the rules” that I would get what I wanted (as long as what I wanted was good).

If you had asked me ten years ago where I expected to be by this point in my life, I thought I would be working a great job, have a family, and be living in a home with a white picket fence. But what I thought I was entitled to was very different than what God gave me.

Legalism

I became a Christian at the age of 10. I knew who God was, knew that God’s Son died for my sins, and thought I knew what it looked liked to live a “Christian” lifestyle. But legalism ruled my life, and I thought that as long as I obeyed my parents and didn’t do anything too bad then God would give me my heart’s desire. He put those desires there for a reason, right?

When I started college I had never been out of a Christian environment. My college friends would drink and sleep around, but because I didn’t do those things, I felt like my sins weren’t as bad. After a couple years of college I decided to try cosmetology school instead, and thrived. Again, I was in an environment devoid of God, so I felt like I would have it easy once I graduated and started to work.

Not What I Wanted

Working in the salon industry wasn’t as easy as I thought, but life still seemed to be on track for me as I fell in love with my boyfriend. We started talking about getting married, and I felt like God was finally giving me everything I had hoped for. But then my boyfriend broke my heart. Two months later I broke my hand, meaning I couldn’t do my job. I lost the two most important things in my life. It was clear to me that God wasn’t going to give me what I wanted.

Devastated, I ran from Him. I doubted His goodness. I doubted His love. I was in so much pain that I refused to seek Him out and search for His will. It took me a long time to go back to my relationship with Him.

Guiding Heart and Hands

I finally let my heart open up to God. It took a while to put my trust fully in Him, once more. And it really took a lot longer to know what it meant to be pursuing Him and letting Him guide my life. After four years, God has allowed me to return to the salon industry. I prayed that He would guide my decisions and make His will known. I raised my hands to Him and prayed “God, these hands are Yours, and if I never use them in a salon again, I pray that Your work would be done.”

Fully surrendering my gifts to Him was the best decision I could have ever made. I keep Psalm 19:14, “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer,” and Proverbs 16:9, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps,” close to my heart so I am always reminded that my life, my work, and my goals are dedicated to Him. He has put me where I am as a blessing, not because I deserve it. I’m definitely not where I thought I’d be, I’m someplace better! Living and serving for Him!

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