Single on Valentine’s Day? Then this holiday probably isn’t your favorite. I was talking with a single friend the other day about how so many folks in relationships misunderstand the sorrow that some feel on Valentine's Day. She said that there are particular days that are meant for celebration that can bring more pain than joy. Like Mother’s Day for a woman struggling with infertility, Christmas for a family living in poverty, or Valentine’s Day for someone who is single. In the midst of rose bouquets, jewelry commercials and heart-shaped chocolates, this holiday can bring more tears than smiles.
I agree. It is hard. I want you to know that I know that. You are not invisible. You are not less. You are not any more broken than those of us who are married. You are loved, right here and now, by the God of the universe, no matter what your relationship status is. It can be hard to remember that while feeling sorrow about the human love that you may not be experiencing right now, but it’s important. Some of you just need to rest in that truth.
Many of you may also be looking for something to “do” on this Valentine’s Day while you are single. There is an abundance of advice columns or guides available that attempt to tell you how to spend the holiday if you are without a date. They tend to be self-centered, though, focusing on ways to treat yourself—such as buying your own Valentine’s gift—or coping strategies to deal with your singleness “problem” (or is it a gift?).
If being alone is the problem, though, dating yourself is a poor solution. What you really want is to love someone, and have them love you in return.
I’m here to say you can actually do that this Valentine’s Day, even if you spend it alone. Love is an action, not a feeling, and you can do things right now to actively love and serve your future spouse—even if you have not yet met them.
How can you love someone you haven’t even met? By intentionally and selflessly doing things to make yourself a better future husband or wife—a gift that, by the way, is vastly more important than chocolates, more loving than flowers, and more valuable than jewels. In short, work to be the person who the one you’re looking for, is looking for.
Below are five ways you can love your future husband or wife this Valentine’s Day.
Pray for your future spouse. If you are going to be married someday, the person you will marry is out there right now, perhaps also spending Valentine’s Day alone. Pray that they are walking closely with Christ and growing in their relationship with Him. Pray that each of you would become a more godly man or woman during this season.God is in control, so praying to Him is the single most powerful thing we can do.
Study the Bible. You will never have more time than right now to study and learn the Bible. Build up your knowledge now, while you are single, so that you are ready to apply it when you are dating, married, or raising a family.
Be financially responsible. Being single on Valentine’s Day gives you a head start here, since the people who do celebrate the holiday spend an average of $142 per person on gifts and dates. Though common advice often includes going shopping for yourself or taking the day off, a better idea would be to work and save money for future gifts or expenses.
Take care of yourself physically. Just be healthy. Again, being single provides an advantage: no boxes of chocolate or fancy, sedentary dinners, and you have more time to devote to your health.
Guard your heart and mind. Don’t follow your heart; inform your heart. Avoid indulgence of the flesh, such as sitting and sobbing your way through a romantic movie marathon, or looking at porn. Honor your future spouse by not lusting over someone else’s or setting up unrealistic expectations. And instead of envying someone else’s relationship, the healthiest way to spend Valentine’s Day is to focus on your relationship with the One who already loves you unconditionally.
Put another way, you can love them best by striving to be content in your singleness, and not turning marriage or romance into an idol. It is natural to want a spouse, and it's OK to pray that you will find one. Just be careful not to make that desire ultimate. Ask God for help in balancing contentment in singleness and the pursuit of a spouse.
And remember that love is not limited to just Valentine’s Day. You can do these things every day to become more the type of man or woman that others should look for. Hopefully that certain someone is out there doing the same, and therefore already loving you in return.
How are you spending your Valentine’s Day?