By Reana LeBlanc
I was that girl, in high school and college, seeking to find out where I belonged. My last year in high school, after a bad break-up, gave birth to the beginning of a dark road to sin.
In college, I didn’t know anyone, which led to isolation and depression. Most of the college kids were living the college student life of partying, drinking, and getting high. Even though I was thankful that I didn’t have the urge to partake in those activities, I became desperate for some company. One day I came across an online dating site and from then on I was hooked.
Looking for Love
I felt I wasn’t going to be able to find love anywhere else so I tried this new approach. The first guy I met online was nice but I wasn’t attracted to him. This became the cycle of how I would meet guys online and soon became a terrible addiction to seek out life and fulfillment from a guy.
The desperation took a turn for the worse. I engaged in premarital sex with men who wooed me into thinking they cared for my heart, but only later finding out their care was to simply receive pleasure. These guys that I put my trust and faith in after only a week or two made it all disappear in a flash after spending one hour with me. After each guy, the one place I found myself always visiting was the doctor’s office for HIV/STD testing.
My life was the epitome of Proverbs 26:11, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” Time and time again I would repeat the same foolishness. I pursue a guy, we meet and talk, and he gains my trust, leads me into his devilish schemes, has his way with me, and leaves me nothing but a possible death sentence hanging over my head. I would go to church on Sundays and pray to God, “I want to do better, I’m not going to do that anymore, I can and will get better, please forgive me. Amen.” That was my prayer again and again.
After going in and out of inappropriate relationships, getting ready to graduate from college, I was visiting my last HIV/STDs test. The person who ran the test always asks me this question, “Do you plan on continuing to be sexually active?” My answer was, without hesitation, “No, I’m done,” and tears were streaming down my eyes. It wasn’t me it was my soul saying I’m done, I’m tired, I surrender!
I grew up going to church and always heard and read about Jesus. I knew that He died for all of our sins but never understood how it applied to my life. A girl I knew from work was holding Bible studies at her house and invited me. She talked to us about the gospel and how “the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost” (Luke 19:10). She went on explaining that Jesus Christ died for past, present, and future sins so that we could be made right with God through Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21). I remember it like it was yesterday…my eyes were opened to the truth. I never had a relationship with Christ because of all the sin in my life. He didn’t die to punish me; He did it to set me free. He saved me when I couldn’t save myself. I couldn’t, but He did!
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! – 2 Corinthians 5:17
I once was lost but now I am found. While I sought out to be in relationships with immoral men, He desperately sought to be in relationship with me. My relationship with Christ is flourishing day by day, and I am no longer a slave to sin. Just when I thought He gave up on me, He was right there with me. I was that girl seeking life and fulfillment with dating, but now I’m that girl who has found Jesus who loves me!
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