Should Single Christian Women Desire to Feel Sexy? Hero Image
Should Single Christian Women Desire to Feel Sexy? Hero Image
Jul 20, 2015 / 4 min

Should Single Christian Women Desire to Feel Sexy?

Jonathan Pokluda

It seems that most women (including most Christians) dress, primp, manicure, shape, tan, exercise, spray, polish, and paint in order to feel sexy. I am not taking issue with those rituals themselves, but I am calling into question the motive: to be “sexy.”

Let’s be honest, ladies, attention from men is important to you. Right? And what is a sure-fire, fast track way to get attention from men? Dressing sexy. (It “works,” in case you didn’t know.) But here’s my question: would your life be better without that type of attention?

Plain Jane vs. Sexy Susie

Consider two hypothetical situations. Imagine one girl, we’ll call her Plain Jane, who wears a smock-like, baggy muumuu everywhere she goes, and guys never pay any attention to her. Then, one day a guy is intrigued by her strange fashion and actually desires to get to know the heart of the girl underneath.

Compare that with her identical twin, Sexy Susie. She’s curvy, tan, and fit, and we know all this because her clothes are tight and leave little to the imagination. She gets lots of attention from guys—mostly shallow guys, but there are a whole lot of shallow guys out there. She gets asked out a lot, but it seems like these “relationships” almost never go anywhere, or at least not anywhere good. She becomes addicted to attention, and as affirmation from the world becomes more and more important to her, her faith and relationship with God and His people become less and less important.

Is that crazy? Over the years I’ve seen it happen over and over. I am not saying you need to buy a long, baggy muumuu (please don’t). I am saying that you need to renew your mind so that you think different from the world and think consistent with God’s will. Why do you want to feel sexy? Why do you want to be seen as sexy? These are good questions to wrestle with, journal on, and really think about.

Do you think about these things like God does?

Let me elaborate on that question with an example. I think if you read 1 Timothy 2:9-10 and 1 Peter 3:3-4, you would come away thinking, “Wow, we really don’t apply those verses today.” Was that some kind of weird cultural thing back then? Does that still apply today? And if you land on the fact that it still applies today, you are going to reconsider that bikini this summer. “But does God really not want me to wear a bikini? Everyone wears bikinis; I’ll be the weird girl.” You will indeed. No one wants to be the weird one-piece girl. It’s about as cool as being the no-bikini-blogger. I feel your pain.

Confidence in Christ

It is normal to want to feel sexy to others. It is a natural way of thinking, consistent with the world. A supernatural way of thinking, however, is to desire the confidence of the Lord. To know that God has a desire for what your confidence is in, how you dress, and why.

If you seek to honor Him in how you display your body, you might find yourself as the only one without a date. Is it worth it to honor God and be dateless? I think you will find out that it is. As you seek to honor Him, you might also find yourself as the only one with a date who shares your desire to honor the Lord. You might find someone who is attracted to you, not just your physical body at this moment.

If you attract a guy with your sexiness, you will lose him when you're not sexy, and I promise that seasons of unsexiness lie ahead.

So if your confidence is in your curves, you are setting yourself up to be pretty insecure. If your confidence, however, is in Christ, then you are secure for eternity.

Ladies, I will keep challenging the men to step up and pursue Godly women. I will continue to call them out of childish behaviors and carnal attractions. Please help me, by not selling out. You don’t need to take the shortcuts that the world takes. Be sexy for your husband. When you’re married, you can spend the rest of your life inventing ways to be sexy for him. Until then, try not to think about it. Take thoughts captive and be careful what you feed your heart.

“Easy for you to say, JP; you’re not a woman.” Indeed, I am not. So I asked some women I work with what they thought. Check back next week to hear how they answered the same question…

  • JP

(With help from Kevin McConaghy)

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Modesty: Turning the Tables

How to Be a Godly Woman

Why Premarital Sex is a Bad Idea