By Larissa V
I have this movie-esque view on life. My life. I am constantly in a state of expectation of how the Lord might direct and move me day to day, and even moment by moment. Some days that expectation is filled with enthusiasm and eagerness, ready for some fresh breath into my old ragged life. Other days that expectation is filled with exhaustion and avoidance, dreading the prospect of things dear to me being torn away from me.
I expect the Lord to change things in a moment. I expect it because I’ve seen it… both good and bad. I’ve seen it. I believe in it, and ultimately I rather enjoy it. I enjoy having that front row seat to the story of my life, watching at times the futile twists and turns make sense. I like seeing the loose ends tie together when I least expect it.
But, I usually don’t see any of this until after it has happened and long passed. For example, my mission trip to Brazil. I knew it was going to be impactful. I went in anticipation for it to change my world. I came home unsure what I was looking for, and a far cry from the world changing experience I had invisioned. I thought I'd come back visibly changed. I'm not sure how, but I wanted that dramatic moment.... it just never came. Now 1.5 years later I’m starting to be able to look back and see some of the monumental ways the Lord used that time to shift my life and even more my heart. Then, I couldn’t see it.
That isn’t how a movie gets to works. In a movie the character often gets the chance to recognize the moment. The moment where their lives are changed. They are changed. And even in those movies where the character might not know, the audience definitely gets a piece of the action. They see the moment. They marvel in it. They swim in the experience. They know that little twist of life, a letter mailed, a door opened, a coffee spilled, will change everything for the character. They know the moment and the moment knows them.
It is in the after-moments I take to look back on opportunities, pains and adventures, and I remember them with a fondness I never experiences in the “thens.” Why can’t life be like that movie moment? Why can’t I be and know in the moment all it is doing in shaping me right then?
I want to know the moment. I want to own the moment. But, I don’t think God works like that. I don’t think God works like the movies.
I’m not talking about the moments where life physically changes. People die. Marriages happen. Children are born. Houses are sold. Life moves on. Those moments are visible to all from the external.
I’m talking about those internal soul moments. It could be a simple hello to a homeless person. A walk in the neighborhood. A new hobby experienced. A trip planned. It is those moments that too often we have no way of knowing the lasting impact they could have on us. It is those moments that I try so hard to understand, and yet I don’t think they can be understood until after. It is those moments that taunt me in the movies, and slip through my grasp. It is those moments that truly change us inside out. Those are the moments I want to “be” in and know. Those are the moments that only time can tell, after they have passed.
What moments in life can you look back on now and know it changed you?