To The Girls Who Struggle With Porn

Emma Dotter | 03.19.21

To all the girls who struggle with porn (or masturbation—let’s be honest),

You might be scared to tell someone. Or ashamed. Or just all around convinced that you CANNOT talk about it.

You might think you’re alone— like you’re the only one…the only of your roommates who has this struggle, the only girl at your church who masturbates, the only one in your Bible study group who runs to lustful thinking. “How could I ever confess this sin?” you ask. “Can you even say the word masturbation in church?”

We want you to know you’re not alone. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says that “no temptation has overtaken you that is uncommon to man.” Here’s what that means: There is not one single sin you could struggle with that is uniquely yours and yours alone. Others struggle with it too. You are not alone. And if you don’t believe us, check out Tricia’s story.

And maybe you think it’s supposed to be a “guy sin.” I mean after all, 1 Corinthians 10:13 does say no sin is “uncommon to man,” not men and women. That’s a correct observation, but when the Bible uses the word “man,” its referring to people in general not just the guys. You can take comfort in knowing that no temptation is uncommon for girls. There isn’t a sin that is “abnormal” for a girl to struggle with. You aren’t different because you’ve given into the temptation to look at porn or masturbate. Take comfort in knowing other girls are fighting these temptations too. That’s not an excuse to give in, but an encouragement to bring it into the light (tell your Christian friends). Because…

You might think you can’t talk about it, but James 5:16 says to “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another; that you may be healed.”

Think of us as a caring and loving older sibling. And all we’re asking, in the most compassionate tone is, “Do you want to be healed?” Do you want to be freed from the hiding and the shame and the secrets? “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another; that you may be healed.” We know telling someone you battle this sin can be terrifying. Especially if you’ve never told anyone before. It may seem taboo. People don’t talk about it enough. So, have the courage to go first in your circle. We’re praying for you—that you’d be courageous. Joshua 1:9 says, “God is with you!” He’s not going anywhere, but that might be hard for you to believe; as…

You might think you’re too far gone. “How could God accept me now?” you ask. Often times we fall into this trap: We think that there’s a spectrum of sinners. We think God looks at us and is just like, “Hey, if you lie every once and a while or argued with your parents as a kid, you’re fine. If you treat people with kindness, you’re fine. But man, if you step past that threshold, that line—you know, into what we think are the really big sins? Sex outside of marriage, porn, murder, adultery? Then you’re too far gone.” But that’s not at all how God sees us!

God looks at all of us and says none of us make the mark. We all fall short of his standard (Romans 3:23), but that’s what makes the gospel so beautiful. It’s for those who know they’re dirty and that God is holy—set apart from us sinners. Romans 10:9 says that if you “confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you’ll be saved.” It doesn’t matter how bad you’ve messed up—if you know you are a human who messes up and believe God raised Jesus from the dead, God wants to have a relationship with you. Even if you’ve watched porn, sought out inappropriate pictures online, or masturbated after seeing that suggestive Instagram post.

Lastly, you might not think porn is a problem. Doesn’t the Bible just say not to have sex outside of marriage? “I’m not doing that so I‘m good, right? Besides, it’s not like I’m addicted to porn. I don’t know if I’d even call this porn really—it’s not that bad.”

Ever had those thoughts? We get it. We’ve been there. But you know what God’s word says? Sexual immorality (that’s all impurity or inappropriate sexual longing) must not even be named among believers. Why? Because it isn’t healthy or right for God’s people to be entertained by sin—and in this case, porn is the act of being entertained by sex outside of marriage (Ephesians 5:3). If you ever find yourself trying to explain why porn and lust are okay for a believer, remind yourself of Ephesians 5:3.

Remember, if you’re following Christ, you are covered in the righteousness of Christ. That means you don’t have to walk in shame if porn, masturbation, or lust are part of your story. Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” He does not condemn or shame those of us who have made him Lord of our life. But he does want what’s best for us, and that’s to run from our own desires as we pursue purity in every way.


You might not fall into all of the categories, but you could fall into some of them. We don’t know what you’re up to behind closed doors. But whatever it is, you’re not the only one. We’re here for you. Let us know how we can pray for you at www.theporch.live/prayer.


Emma Dotter

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