JD Rodgers | 2020-09-29
Many of us don’t get to experience true love without experiencing hurt and heartbreak. Breaking up is hard, but a broken heart today is better than a broken marriage in the future. In this message, we learn when you should break up and how to heal when your breakup breaks you.
All right, let's do this! How are we doing tonight, you all? Hey, tonight… Thank you so much. I have new shoes. Thank you. Hey, tonight we are wrapping up, like Carson said, the Matchmaker series, and we have talked about amazing things: singleness, dating, marriage, all of those things. They brought me up tonight to finish talking about heartbreak and breakups! Yeah!
It's something we all can resonate with in some way or the other, sadly, I bet. They were going around the room like, "Hey, who can communicate about heartbreak?" I was just like, "I volunteer as tribute. I'll do it." So they got me up here. Before I get to that, I want to bring you all into a moment in college where I was in my room alone.
I want to go ahead and confess this was a sin, and thank God for the Lord's redemption in my life. I was doing something I think we all have done more than we like to admit. I was downloading music illegally off of YouTube. Yeah, LimeWire, whatever it's called? That was me. I was that guy. My iTunes was full of the sketchy, weird names of each of the songs with the underscores and stuff.
I was downloading music. As I'm copying the link, pasting it into this sketchy website. "Enter link here. Begin download." This notification popped up. It was like, "Warning! Warning! Your Mac is under attack. There is a virus. You need to call Apple support immediately." And they gave me a number. I was like, "Seems legit."
So I called the number, and I was like, "I don't want a virus on this computer." I called them, and I was like, "Hey." They were like, "Hey, how's it going? How can we help you today?" I was like, "My Mac has a virus. I need you to get rid of it. Whatever." They were like, "Yeah, we do this all the time. What you need to do is click here, click there, bada bing, bada boom. Type in your password. We're going to have access to your Mac. We will start to take control. Then we will…"
Some of you already know where this is going. "We will start to take control, and then before you know it, the virus will be gone. No problem." So I'm like, "Sweet." So I give them access to everything. It's really cool. I'm like, "Wow, you guys can really…? Where are you?" I'm watching them click on things. I hear really fast typing.
I'm like, "Man, you guys are really fast typers. Hey, I'm going to call my friend, by the way, and just tell him what's going on in case I need to do anything else on my end." He was like a super smart IT tech guy. I call him. By the way, before I left the phone call, the guy didn't say anything. I was like, "Are you good? Are you good?" I just hear typing.
So I call this guy, and I'm like, "Hey, here's the problem. Don't worry. My Mac has a virus. There's this guy, and he is fixing it." He was like, "JD, bring me your computer right now!" I was like, "Why?" He said, "Mac's can't have viruses, so you're being hacked. You are literally being hacked right now. Someone is trying to get everything on your Mac and steal all your money. Bring me your computer."
I was like, "What?" So I hang up with him. The guy is still typing on the phone. I'm like, "You imposter! I'm going to find you! Wherever you are, I'm going to find you!" I hang up. I take the Mac. I seatbelt it in. I'm driving to my friend's house. The Mac is… I'm just screaming. I don't know if he can hear me. I'm like, "Wherever you are…Italy, China…FBI is coming, buddy."
I'm just watching him go to work on my Mac. I bring it in. I'm like, "Fix it, fix it, fix it!" He takes the Mac. He just starts doing the same thing, that kind of hacker thing. I'm like, "How do you know how to do this?" Coding is coming up. He looks at me and he says, "JD, we can fix this, but only under one condition. You might lose everything." I'm like, "Everything?"
I was a video editor. I was… School, college was on that Mac, all these different things. I'm like, "Everything?" he's like, "Everything." I was like, "Send it." So he goes, and he pushes a button and it's like wiping everything, "Resetting MacBook." I was just watching it. It was like one of those, (singing) "In the arms of…" Slow motion going away. It was so sad.
I remember us being so mad at that person, but the reality was I thought that relationship (hacker guy) was there to help me. The reality was he was actually hurting me. He was there to take from me. I start there because just like I needed to go to the professional of all things Mac, my friend who is all high tech, and he had to tell me, "Hey, that relationship is harming you. You need to get out immediately."
I think some of us need to go to the expert on all things love, all things dating, all things marriage, and go, "Hey, you're in a relationship that you think is helping you, and it is harming you. It is taking from you." Tonight as we wrap up the dating series, I hope that every person here flourishes in love. I truly hope you all find love. It would be amazing. The reality is sometimes and most times a lot of us don't get to love without experiencing hurt and experiencing heartbreak.
I think it's important that we talk about it from a biblical perspective. So I want to go to God, the person who knows all, knows the condition of the heart because he created it, and see what he has to say about love and make sure that we are all aware, "Hey, you might have to get out of this relationship, you might need to break up, because a breakup now, heartbreak now in the temporary, is better than a broken marriage in the future. So if you don't deal with this now, you could end up not just breaking yourself, but breaking a lot of people in the days to come."
So I want to go into heartbreak and breaking up tonight by talking about two things. It's really simple. When to break up and how to heal from your heartbreak. When to break up and how to heal from your heartbreak. Because it's better that we go ahead and, like I said, put in the work now to go, "Do I need to get out? Do I need to flee?"
Here's the reality. When I had to delete everything off my Mac, when I lost all the things that I had worked for and all the time I put into all the things on that Mac, it was better for me to lose things willingly, to make the choice to lose it all, than to unknowingly have it all taken from me like that guy was planning on doing.
So tonight, let's see if we can make that choice, to experience what might be heartbreak now to experiencing something more whole in the future. So when to break up? Now that I have this super heavy and we're all like, "Yeah, breakups!" When to break up? I want to talk about four easy reasons to identify when to break up.
First, when you are dating their potential. Here's what that looks like. When it comes to if you're dating someone and trying to figure out if they're legit or not spiritually, like if they're truly a man or a woman of God, you start to do this thing where you compromise.
Because maybe they're a 10 on hotness, but a four on spiritual-ness. You're like, "It seems legit. We go to church every now and then. He loves the Christmas service. He just loves it. He loves Christmas carols." Maybe guys, you're like, "Yeah, we totally hooked up three times this week, but on Sunday, she texted me a verse and was like, 'Thankful God gave me you.'"
There is a hint of God in this relationship, so it's legit. We are spiritual. We're good. You start to go, "Even though I know deep down this isn't good, I have hopes. I see glimpses of hope that this person will one day be good." And you start to date their potential. I want to make you aware that if you are dating someone's potential over their present reality, you are going to end up hurting yourself.
You want their present reality to be all about the Lord. You want someone who is not hopefully one day going to stop verbally abusing you. Hopefully one day potentially out there they'll start wanting to go to church and not just wanting to watch football all day. You'll hope that one day they're wanting to read the Bible and go to Bible studies together and serve the church together.
You're not just going, "One day, one day…" "When we have kids, I'm sure when he is a father, he'll take this stuff more seriously." Or, "When we buy a house and put a ring on it, that's when we'll start going to church and doing the God thing. But for now, let's have fun." There's this idea of a potential future that is laced with spiritual things.
You have to ask yourself, and be honest with yourself, "Hey, if this person isn't pursuing God now, if this person doesn't want as an individual to lead me now toward Christ, what do I think is going to change? What's it going to take for this person to change? If they didn't get it right as a single person before they met me, if they never had a desire for God without me, apart from me, what do I think is going to happen?"
You're living in this fantasy potential world and not realizing the present reality that you're in. Second Corinthians 6:14 puts it like this. "Don't team up [or date or be in a relationship] with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God's temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God."
I think a lot of times we don't see ourselves as the temple of the living God. We don't understand what it means to be God's son or daughter, so we're okay with dating trash. I think a lot of times who you date says a lot about who you think you are. Because if you saw yourself as the temple of the living God…
Meaning that if I am walking in relationship with God… The Bible says the Holy Spirit literally comes inside of me, and I am like the host. I am the house that God dwells in. I'm not dating trash. I'm not taking to spray painting myself. No, I am representing Christ. I'm wanting someone who is going to also next to me, beside me, represent Christ.
You can't say, "Hey, I'm light," and be around darkness. It doesn't work. So the first thing you have to ask yourself is, "Am I dating their potential?" Because if you are, you're going to end up making excuses. You're going to end up lowering your standards. Before you know it, you're going to be pulled further and further away from being about God yourself.
It's like the idea of missionary dating. You're supposed to be on mission together, not on mission for them. Okay? We've used this illustration a lot. Emma, where are you? Can you come up here or down here, I guess? You've probably seen this, but a lot of times, what this looks is… Let's say I'm someone who is really trying to follow God.
I've been going through my devotional. I've been reading my Bible. I've been coming to church every Sunday. I'm even going through membership class. I never thought I'd be going through membership class. Then I meet this person at the bar. I'm kind of in this in-between world and they're like… You're like, "Hey, are you spiritual? Are you religious?"
He is like, "Yeah, I've gone to church. I was raised Catholic. I was this. I was that." He starts telling you, "Okay, yeah, yeah." God box? Check. You start to date. You start to notice patterns. You start to realize, "Okay, this person doesn't really read their Bible. This person doesn't really like to go to church. I feel like I'm kind of pulling them to church."
You start to say, "Hey, come up here. Come on! Come on! Hey, what are you doing? Come with me to church! Emma, come on! Don't you want to go to church?" You're sitting here, and you're trying to pull this person up to where you are spiritually. Like, "Hey, it's amazing up here. You should come try it! Come on! Come on!"
The reality is it's actually easier… The law of gravity would say that it's easier for Emma to pull me down here than for me to pull her up there. Thank you, Emma. Let's give it up for Emma really quick. I think so many of us, that's our reality. We're sitting here mentally, spiritually, in this struggle of going, "I'm seeing their potential. I know they can do it if they would just… Come on, buddy. Get there so I can stop feeling so guilty about dating you."
They're pulling you down. They're pulling you lower. Because they're asking something of you, and you're operating as something that you were never supposed to be. Your dating life, your love life was never supposed to look like you pulling someone. It's supposed to look like you two pushing each other, not pulling, not forcing. Pushing, respecting, honoring, and growing together toward Christ. So quit dating potential. If they don't want Christ now, break up with them. It's that simple.
The second reason to break up is when your dating is only physical. When your dating is all about the physical. This is what this looks like. When you're dating… Let's say, just to say it plainly, people call it make-up sex. You're in conflict. You're yelling at each other. You're going through all these problems, and then somehow you always end up having sex. It's just mind blowing. You end up doing the most intimate thing after all of the hurting. You think, "Okay, well the sex is good. The physical is good."
Or, "Hey, we're making out all the time. Every time we're hanging out, we get to the kissing." I'm kind of not acknowledging. Just like you weren't acknowledging the spiritual component, you're kind of not acknowledging, "Hey, we don't seem to talk about real things, deep things. We don't seem to go there. I can't have a deep conversation with this person, but man, we can get physical. He seems to really change when I talk about having sex."
Or, "Hey, when I'm kind of showing a little bit of freaky, that's when he gets into me." Girls, I want to first say to you, get out. If he doesn't respect you enough to not just see you as a physical being that just brings him pleasure, get out. Guys, if you are just seeing a woman or if she honestly in 2020, if she is just seeing you as some physical object to make her feel more affirmed and fill a void in her life? Get out, bro.
Because relationships… God never designed for such intimacy. Sex is a gift from God. If you are using that gift and distorting it and breaking it and bringing it into the dating world, you are fogging up all of your perception. You're fogging up all of the reality. Sex is this thing that puts drunk goggles on you, and you can't see clearly.
All of a sudden, your relationship becomes all about the what rather than the who. You start to not be able to see clearly that, "The who I'm dating is not a good person, but the what, the physical, is pretty good. So I'll stick around." It's like a Band-Aid. It fixes the problem. We're good. I'm good. It's just fun, noncommittal. That's just not God's design for dating.
If your dating revolves all around physical, break up. If you think that, "Hey, if we just live together, play house, shack up, we can have sex. We're never going to get married." Or, "We're going to get married, so why wait? It's okay. Sex isn't that bad." You're doing all the things that God intended for marriage. Here's what that communicates about your reality.
You want all the benefits of marriage, but you're not willing to put in the commitment. You're not willing to put in the work. So if everything always seems to go back to the physical, or when the physical is the only time that you feel alive and something going on between you and your significant other, get out. Break up.
The third reason to break up is when your dating pushes you away from people. Proverbs 18:1 says, "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment." Guys, your relationship is meant to happen within the context of other relationships. You should allow people to constantly be speaking into your relationship and knowing what's going on.
If you are dating in private, if your person is asking you to isolate yourself, if people are coming around you saying, "Hey, it seems like ever since you started dating so-and-so, we don't see you very much," you need to see that as a red flag. If you're someone who, maybe your best friends are coming up to you, and they're saying, "Hey bro, she seems kind of crazy. You might want to get out of that."
You're like, "No, man. Trust me. It's just this thing we have. It's special, bro." Or girls, if your sisters or girls are coming over to you (I don't know what you call each other.) If they're coming over to you and they're like, "Hey, he seems not good for you. I'm actually being serious. I'm begging you. You might want to get out of that. Something seems off.
Why doesn't he want to be around…? Why do you always seem more sad? Why are you always crying? Why have you changed? Why are you getting more gloomy?" If they're saying that to you, you need to wake up and listen. I think so many people… All before a significant other, we were so down to listen to others' advice.
"Tell me what I should do. Tell me what I should do." But how come sometimes when we're in a relationship with a bad person, a jerk, any kind of person who is not good for us, we suddenly think we're experts? What is that? So if you're dating in private, if you're dating and it's pushed you away from your people and you're not dating in community, I would encourage you to either fix it or break up.
The last reason you should break up is when your dating has no purpose. We say this a lot here. Your dating should have a destination. It should have an end goal. That end goal, by God's design biblically, is marriage. If you are dating someone who is making you constantly wonder, question, insecure, uneasy of where you are?
Like, "What is this? Where is this heading? Does he actually like me? Am I actually the only one? How many girls is he Snapchatting? How many guys? How man ex-boyfriends is she reaching out to when she gets a little too drunk? Where are we? Where is this?" If you are with someone who you can't even talk about the future, get out, because you're not ready.
If you aren't ready for commitment or if they aren't ready for commitment, you need to get out. You need to break up, because dating needs to have a destination. Dating is an exploration that leads to a confirmation. That confirmation could be yes or no. This is good or this is bad. We're going to get married. We're not going to get married.
It can be a confirmation, but even if it's yes or bad, it was dating. It was right. If it's just dating with a question mark? That's not right. Your dating needs purpose. Men, be clear with your women. Say, "Girl, it is you and only you." Let them know. "Hey, I'm just about you. I'll delete Snapchat. I'll get off Instagram. Dating apps, obviously." I hope they're gone. Girls, if he still has dating apps on his phone, and he is dating you? Break up, okay? I'm going to just say that.
"Hey, you can check my text messages. You have an open invitation into my life because I have nothing to hide. I am about you. I am pursuing the Lord. I am committed to the Lord. I am about you." Women, the same for you. "Hey, I am so in love with Jesus. I am so about you. Therefore, I'm willing to lay down my passions. I'm willing to set physical boundaries. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that we are walking in God's design and what's best for us because I am so about you, and I'm so about what God wants for us."
That is love. That is how you feel alive with someone: when you choose to be on mission together toward the destination that God designed. If you're not with someone who wants to do that, bounce. Okay? Okay. The Scripture for that, Ephesians 5:31, before I went off on my tangent, says, "As the Scriptures say, 'A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'"
That's just God's design. Leave mom and dad. Leave the old life. Leave the talking to other women and other men and all the flakiness and all the uneasiness and all the lack of clarity and pursue her. Commit to her. Commit to him. Sacrifice and pursue God's design, which is marriage.
Fellas, as I close this section of when to break up, you might be some of the reasons that she needs to break up with you. Don't make her do it. If you are listening to what I'm saying right now, and you're going, "I'm that. I'm the toxic person for her. I'm the bad influence for her. I am not the spiritual leader for her. I am not being a man of God," you need to go end it with her.
Yeah, it might hurt her for now, but it will help her later. You need to go get it right because your most important relationship is your relationship with God. If you are not God's man, then you don't need to be her man. Okay. No, no, no. Keep going. Ladies… Men, it's coming. If you are pointing fingers right now and going, "You know what? He is not that. He is not that. He is not that." Why are you with him?
If I had to look at your track record, I bet you've been with more guys like him before. So you need to ask yourself… Guys, I know we're kidding and having fun, but this is serious. You need to ask yourself, "Why?" I talked about this with the last talk. I'm wasting my time right now, but I'm saying you need to make the move of, "I'm done. I'm pursuing the right relationship first and foremost. then that will impact the future relationships I'm in."
So if you keep going back to hurtful, harmful relationships, break up and get the right relationships right. I'm begging you. If you do, you'll be okay. It might hurt for a season, both of you. It'll be okay. You're going to get through it. I'm going to tell you how in the next section. After you identify when you break up. Let's say, "Hey JD, okay I'll break up. I'll end this, but I know this is going to result in loneliness, in hurt, in heartache. What do I do with that?"
I'm glad you asked. The next section is how to heal from heartbreak or how to heal from your breakup. I'm going to give it to you in two steps. It's so amazing. The Lord, I think he intentionally gave us the answer to how we help heal our heart is the same way that we heal anything on our body that's broken.
One time in college, I made the stupid mistake the first day of summer to go off a zipline unattached, like not attached to it. It was just my body. I held onto the things. I was like, "Geronimo!" I went off the zipline, fell 22 feet, and broke my ankle. Yeah, it's a long story. I'll tell you another time.
My ankle, my foot, my toes, especially going up like this, they were going like this. Okay? They were like over here. I was, "Oh, okay." So the first thing I did was pass out. Then once I came back, I wasn't like, "Take me to Burger King!" I don't know why I said Burger King, but, "Take me to Burger King." No, I was like, "Take me to the hospital! Take me to the doctor! Take me to someone who knows what to do with this."
They take me to the doctor because… Why? The doctor knows how to fix my broken leg. In the same way, you need to go to the expert, the Creator of your heart, when your heart is broken. You need to stop going to everything else. You need to stop going to alcohol, addiction, pornography, Netflix, ice cream, or bickering about your ex.
You need to stop going to all these different things to look for healing when there's only one person who knows how to actually bring healing to your heart. It's the Great Physician. His name is God. You need to stop going to all these different places thinking, "Okay, this is the doctor of my life. This will heal me."
No, they'll just put Band-Aids on it. They won't heal you. You need to go to church. You need to get into community. You need to start opening up your Bible and reading it, and you need to start developing a relationship with the only person who truly knows how to heal your heart. Then after you go to him, after you go to the Great Physician, to God, and you bring him your broken heart just like I brought to the doctor my broken leg…
That doctor looked at me and said, "What happened? Tell me everything. Where is it hurting? What are you feeling?" He was already touching my leg and my foot, and going, "What's going on?" He is analyzing. He is wanting all the detail, because the more I can give him, the more he better knows how to help me.
In the same way, God doesn't want you to just to come and be like, "Hey, are you good?" and you're like, "Yeah, I'm fine. Look, it's good. No worries here." That's what we do. Why is that our first instinct? We're sitting there crying, hurting. Our friends are walking up. They're like, "Hey, are you good?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm really fine."
"Yeah, are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm good."
Or you become just the worst person to work with at work. You're invalidating. You're quick tempered. You're rude. You shut off your friends because you're not fine. People are checking in on you. They're saying, "Hey, are you good? I know that breakup was hard. Are you good?" You're like, "I'm fine. I'm fine. Look at me. Back to me. Back to my self-care. Back to my self-help. I don't need to go to the Helper. I don't need to go to the Word. I can go to the world. I can do all these different things, and I can fix myself. I'm fine." And you're not fine.
You know it, and I know it. You are not fine. If the best thing you can do tonight is look at yourself in the mirror, and say out loud, "I'm not okay." Some of you haven't done that. You've suppressed and you've suppressed and you've suppressed, and you have not dealt with your pain. You have not dealt with your heartbreak.
Just like if I chose to not go to the doctor that day and tell him how I'm broken, if you don't choose to go to God and tell him the broken pieces of your heart, you're going to walk around with a limp and hurting and making everyone around you concerned, awkward, all these different things for the rest of your life. You're going to end up hurting yourself even more.
So it is time to go to the doctor with your broken heart. Go to the Lord and tell him how you're feeling. "It hurts here. When he did this, it hurt. When she cheated, it hurt." I want to address something really quick. I have talked to more guys this year who have been cheated on by women than I can count.
I started thinking about it. I'm like, "You know, one of the things I hear a lot for women is, 'All guys are jerks.'" I was thinking about it more, and I was like, "You know what? I don't actually think all guys are jerks. I think they're hurt." I think at some point in that guy's life, he was broken. Guys hate rejection. That's why they're afraid to ask a lot of girls out. He was broken and he was hurt.
Instead of going to the Lord and going to God's people and talking about it, he chose to just say, "I'm fine." Now he hurts a lot of women. Now he is scared to commit. You call him a jerk. I just go to him and say, "Bro, you're hurt. Who hurt you? Was it your dad? Your mom? Who cheated on you? Who broke up with you? Let's go to God. Let's deal with it."
Ladies, I know that you also too… "Hey, me too. I've been cheated on. I've been hurt." Same to you. Quit going to Tinder, dating apps, Instagram, or self-help books. Go to God. Go to his Word. Go to fellow Christ-followers, and say, "I am broken, and here's where it hurts." If you want to give God the broken pieces of your heart, you just can't give him some. You can't just go to church and call it fixed. You have to give him all of your heart.
It's the idea of surrender. "God, I give you all my heart: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the brokenness." Once you do that, step two will begin to take place. He'll begin to tell you the process toward healing. Your call is to trust the process. Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.'"
Another verse that comforts me in hard times when I feel broken is Psalm 34:18. "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalm 55:22 says, "Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall."
Guys, God is near to the brokenhearted. He is not afraid of your feelings. He is not afraid of your hurt. He is not afraid of your past sex life or your addiction. He wants it all, because doctors love to see patients healed. When you bring your troubles and your sickness and your brokenness to God, he is like, "Yes! You are using me for my design, and now I am giving to you what I was designed to give to you."
There's no better way to deal with heartbreak than to come to the Creator of your heart. Psalm 147:3 says, "He [God] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." I think for me, when I hear that word binds, I think of something that's withholding, restricting, holding me back. Right now you could think, "God wants me to break up with her because he wants me to be lonely or he doesn't have… What's going to happen after that?"
You can think that God is out to get you and bring harm to you and hurt to your life. That word binding is actually like the illustration of a cast. Because that's what the doctor did to me. After he reset my bone in surgery, he then wrapped it in a cast. The purpose of a cast to heal the bone that is broken is to do two things: reset and restore.
In the same way, God's purpose in your breakup, his healing to your breakup is to reset you and to restore you. The problem is you would rather rebound than reset. You would rather go and chase after anything that will give you attention. You would rather hook up with any guy or any girl who would hook up to you. You would rather run to the bars.
You'd rather run to any other scene than actually coming to God. You would rather rebound than reset. That thing that makes me actually have to address this hurt. I don't want to start over, frankly. I had something good there. I don't want to end this. But I'm telling you, if it is time to break up, the purpose of your breakup, just like that cast, is to stabilize and make me or force me to rest the use of my leg.
So breakups are meant to put you on a break and to put your heart on a break. Your heart was not designed to fall in love, to date, and then break up and then date and then break up and date and break up. No, God is using that breakup, and he brings healing to that breakup when you let your heart have a break. When you let your heart have a break, he is going to do those two things.
He is going to reset you, reset your focus, reset your attention, reset your heart, reset your ability to love, reset your trust, and reset your peace. He is going to reset all of these things. Then he is going to restore the broken pieces. As he is resetting you, he will be restoring you. So you need to stop turning to all of these things to experience healing and running to all of these things.
You need to go and let God put a cast around your heart that is his love, his Word, his people, his truth. You need to be still and let restoration happen. Learn how to love again, how to trust again, and how to hope again. There is hope on the other end of surrender. When you surrender the good and the bad, the broken pieces of your heart and your love to God, there is hope.
That hope all lies within Jesus. Guys, I want you all to know as I close up here, firsthand, I have been there. Heck, I was there last year. I had a two-year relationship. I thought it was going toward the destination of marriage. God said, "Nope." I moved to Dallas all alone. I didn't know anyone. I was starting a new life.
Last summer, I sat in heartbreak just like, "God, what are you doing? Where are you?" Guys, breaking up? You're not just losing a relationship. You are mourning the loss of a person. It's not easy. I'm not sitting here like, "So go do this, and best of luck!" No, you will grieve. You will mourn. You will start to look at your phone wondering, "When will the next text come? Oh wait, it's not coming."
I've experienced death. I've experienced people close to me dying. When I experienced heartbreak, it was very similar. I remember sitting there like, "Where are they?" Naturally, you want to share something with them. You want to text them something. At night, you're sitting there wanting to call them. Then you're driving, and songs come on. All these different things are reminding you.
You have to literally learn how to grieve and move on from that person who you lost. But I'm telling you, when you surrender to God, there is hope. He is enough. He will sustain you. This light, temporary moment of hurt will lead to hope. When I am hurting, and I'm losing perspective, I go to this Scripture. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says,
"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us…" These are what our troubles, our heartbreak. Here's what it produces in us. It produces for us "…a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles [or the heartbreak] we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."
Here's what that means. I get to not just look at my circumstances and look at my heartbreak and look at my breakup and look at all of the hurt and the loss and things I'm experiencing. Some of you right now are like, "It would be nice to have some heartbreak. It would be nice to have someone to have broken up with. I'm that desperate right now. My singleness? I'm sitting here going, 'Buddy, I haven't been broken up with ever in my life.'"
Your heartbreak is going, "Why does no one want me? Why does no one choose me?" That's where your heartbreak's coming from. Some of you, your heartbreak is coming from parents' divorce, the way your dad treated you, the way your mom treated you, and it broke your heart. Some of you have lost deep friendships to death or addictions or arguments, heartbreak.
Some of you have been cheated on, abused. I don't know what your story of heartbreak is tonight. I don't know what your breakup has led to break you, but I know that there is hope on the other end of your surrender and the other end of your trust. That hope? His name is Jesus. For some of you tonight, you're going, "What do you mean, 'My hope is in Jesus?'"
It's because you've been so distracted by all these relationships that have caused nothing but hurt and pain, and you've missed out on the greatest relationship that has ever been known on this planet. It is when God sent his Son down to earth to have a relationship with us. He walked in human flesh. He lived a perfect life that none of us could live, which made him the perfect sacrifice to hang on a tree, a cross.
On that cross was a reminder for you. Listen, if you're hurting, listen. On that cross, he saw your heartbreak. He saw the abuse. He saw your parents' divorce. He saw the cheating and the backstabbing and the gossip and the betrayal. He saw you lying in your room alone crying in your loneliness and in your singleness, and he took it on the cross.
He took that, not so you could lose hope. He was broken so in your brokenness, you could come and be made whole. Be made new. So tonight, you have a choice. You can choose further pain. You can go back to your addiction. You can go back to your alcohol, to your drugs, to your pornography, to your bar hopping, to your hooking up, to your Tinder.
You can go back to it, and you can choose death, but I'm begging you tonight to choose life and to choose hope. He was broken. Again, he was broken, murdered, and buried in a tomb. He rose again, conquering death, conquering your heartbreak. You don't have to go to the world with your brokenness. You can come to him.
So tonight, I ask you as we respond in song, take some time, and ask yourself, "Do I need to get out of this relationship and focus on the right relationship? Do I need to break up with [blank]?" Then if you do or if you've been broken up with or if you're experiencing heartbreak right now in any way shape or form, trust, surrender, bring the broken pieces to God, and let him reset you and restore you. Let's pray.
Father, thank you. Thank you for sending your Son to be broken. Your Word says "…he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds…" By his brokenness, we can come with our brokenness and be healed. Freedom can come tonight.
Hurt can turn into hope tonight, not by our own power, and not by some process or some system or by some ritual. No, it can come tonight by simply believing that your death was enough to cover all of the hurt. So for those tonight who need to reset their life on you, I pray tonight that they would. In this moment right here, I pray that you would restore the broken pieces. It's in your name that I pray, amen.